One of the most disappointing parts of myself are when I say I’m committing to something and don’t follow through.
I wrote about my dirty little secret.
(Oh….WP has changed some since I was last on here)
I think when I start to feel a little better I become a peacock. In all my peacockedness I don’t really pay attention. I decided to avoid alcohol just like I should and I let my pill pusher pile on more and more medications.
I was not feeling like the medications were giving me any relief. I was getting worse. Of course, with most antidepressants they come with a warning that certain medications may increase the risk of depression. One of the pills I was taking was keeping me in a constant state of depression. I switched between mild to extreme depression.
So…..I returned to drinking to feel better for a few hours.
Anyway, blah, blah, blah…..I recently recognized what drinking was doing to my mind. To most that would be a no-brainer, but with the sick mind the only thought was relief.
Decreasing medications is something I have been slowly achieving with help from my pill pusher. I finally convinced him that instead of adding to my cocktail, maybe I can pinpoint what is dragging me down. It has been a very slow process but one by one……
Reducing slowly and not making any changes during big events such as our daughter’s wedding, Christmas, and more I will write about, has shown me I was right. There is something that was dragging me down.
By accident I learned what drinking alcohol was doing to me.
Sometimes I think I’m such a smarty pants that I ignore what is right in front of me.
The Queen of Denial.