Another Attempt At Mindfulness

Again, I have started reading, The Mindful Way Through Depression. I have actually read the first chapter….twice! Well, four times if the other readings are taken into account.

Anyway, the author points out how some of us living with depression think something has to be wrong and we should be able to fix ourselves. I’m a fixer so this made total sense to me. Boy, let me tell you, the more I’m unable to fix myself the more disappointed I’ve become. Depression can’t be fixed. It can be managed. Recognize it for what it is, know that it is temporary, and move through it.

Ha!

If only it were so easy.

However, reading that I don’t have to fix myself was quite eye opening. Before moving on to chapter two, I’ve been letting thoughts flow in and out of my mind. Not the negative how can I be so stupids….did I really say thats….did I do enoughs….is everybody happys….

Just letting thoughts flow in and out.

Without working too hard, a thought traversing through my mind was one of those….oh, so that’s why I react that way. 

Can I fix it?

Can a belief about oneself, which has only grown throughout life, be changed?

I believe so.

I hope chapter two has so much more thought provoking content.

 

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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18 Responses to Another Attempt At Mindfulness

  1. Maybe you should write at paper, what you find very important to remember for each chapter and hang it up in a place, where you will see it very often and not to forget, April.

    • April says:

      Good idea….since my memory is poor.

      • Mine is not too good either, why I started to take strong Gingko Biloba daily. I tried this many years ago and it worked well for me, so I just hope now.

        • April says:

          Let me know, I have been trying to read more to see if that will help improve how I pay attention to what I’ve read, hoping that I will retain it.

          • I will let you know. It use to take between one and two months, before we can feel the difference and then stop after 3 months, not to overdose. I bought the most strong, as I could find in our health shop with 6500 mg active per tablet and I have taken them for one month now, one daily and can start to feel a difference in my memory.

  2. joey says:

    Compelling.
    One time my therapist told me that I had to thank the voices in my head for being helpful at the time, and then tell them to leave. She told me only I could do it, and if I wanted to get better, I had to make new voices of my own. That was 5 years ago and I’m still doing it.
    It’s a matter of self-love, getting rid of that crap. And there’s a lifetime of it, always chirping in, letting us know how mean we can really be to ourselves. It’s no wonder so many people struggle. I love that you’re consistent in your efforts to manage your depression.

    • April says:

      I get frustrated because I have been fighting against negative thoughts for decades. I feel as if I’ve had some success but then I get overwhelmed and it starts all over again. We continue to grow and learn.

  3. And I love the ‘you’ steps you are taking April. Do a nice 30 minute meditation every day with a nice background music, don’t worry about how good you are at it because even just listening to the music is great, just give ‘you’ 30 minutes ‘time out’, you will be surprised how good it feels to just give yourself a break and do you every day. You are worth every second of it 😀

    • April says:

      I’m moving toward that direction. I didn’t think I could focus on one thing, such as music, but I can and I need to keep practicing. I will!

      • You will be surprised how we can retrain ourselves to do anything April. The good part about the music is…you can’t really listen to the music AND think at the same time. If you do, you stop listening to the music. Just focus on it, it stop that ‘chatter’ up top and really allows you to rest 😀
        Don’t worry, I have my days where I start allowing the chatter so I have to change my approach by ‘letting go ‘ by asking myself can I now do anything about what I am thinking about, and then give myself permission to release it until later. A prioritising if you will, but allowing me the priority 😀

  4. smilecalm says:

    may each deep, slow
    calm breath
    bring relaxation
    and ease
    in your body 🙂

  5. Glynis Jolly says:

    Trying to accept yourself just as you are is a struggle sometimes as I assume it is with you too. I have a consciously remind myself it is perfectly okay for me to be who I truly am. I am a person, a human being with flaws and quirks just like everyone else.

    • April says:

      I think I’m more able to accept my physical self but the mental self is tough. I think I’m working too hard to change my thoughts.

      • Glynis Jolly says:

        I was doing that for a while. I finally figured out my thoughts are me just like the rest. All I can do is try to stop myself from speaking my thoughts out loud. I am not always successful, which can sometimes make people angry.

  6. Elouise says:

    This sounds like a great book. I like the idea of just watching/observing our thoughts and then letting them be. 💐

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