The Cracks Will Eventually Fade

This is one of my metaphoric posts. I think if I visualize something I can make it stick in my mind.

That little house in Nowhere, Missouri has really been a type of thorn in my side. Years ago…two? three? When we inherited it from my husband’s dad, I saw the connection that my husband had with his dad while we were discussing what to do with the house. The house his dad built.

I know how attached I am to items built by my dad, so we kicked around the idea of slowing down life and moving to the little house. The light in my husband’s eyes made my heart warm. He has sacrificed, and worked so hard for our family for many years which enabled me to be a stay-at-home mom. It’s his turn to enjoy life, feeling close to his dad’s spirit.

As most houses do, the house settled. Well, actually, one of the foundation walls was in a precarious state. We had someone fix that for us as well and replace the roof and perform all the home inspections.

Some of you know my father-in-law was a heavy smoker. I couldn’t breathe in the house, I had to have my rescue inhaler with me at all times. Masks have helped a lot and I believe we have reduced the smell to an almost liveable level. However, the house makes me cough….a lot. There is still work to do.

Anyway, as I’ve whined about before, there are so many cracks in the walls and ceiling. Each and every seam is cracked. Oh! I forgot about the walls with wallpaper or a wallpaper border that had to come down. My wish was to tear everything down to the studs and begin again. My husband was the practical one….that type of thing takes money we just don’t have. So we do what we can, when we can, with the money we have saved.

We have removed wallpaper piece by piece, scrubbed the surfaces of everything multiple times, and I have used my very amateurish skill repairing the cracks.

All the cracks.

It’s a process that can’t be rushed. If the desired look is to be acceptable to my little perfectionistic mind, it takes a very long time. I found the hard way that one can’t just slap some joint compound over the cracks and call it good. It’s a process of retaping the seams and covering with the proper layers of joint compound—feathering out each layer and sanding between. Hopefully, in the end, the cracks will never be noticeable to my eyes.

I’ll know they are there but I worked hard to repair them. I did it with raw determination, lots of do-overs, a ton of sanding (thank you, facemasks), and more wiping of dust.

One room is complete. Well, I think I need to go over some areas that I’m not happy with and feather out some flaws, but I know I can do it.

Rebuilding is being accomplished, one little step at a time. Just as my mind. One step at a time. One little piece of the puzzle placed with love and caring for myself.

In the back of my mind I wonder how limited my life may be…..will cancer return? I don’t know. All I have is today. This moment. I deserve to enjoy this moment. A moment spent sipping on a cup of coffee, looking at the leaves on the trees, listening to the birds sing, marvelling at the very blue sky, the softness of the clouds as they pass.

The moment I have to repair a crack in my mind.

None of us know how much time we will have, I certainly don’t know what my next moment will bring, I simply know that this very moment I have a chance to improve the moment.

It can be done, I know. It simply takes time. If a moment is passed without recognition, it’s a moment one can never get back. It’s never too late to pull up your bootstraps and make an inch of progress. It’s one inch further than you were yesterday, this morning, last hour, the minute that just passed.

……and for the rah, rah moment……go ahead, patch those cracks! You can do it, you just have to be a little patient.


About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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19 Responses to The Cracks Will Eventually Fade

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    You can do it, April!

    (also, see if you can find the special paint that seals in smells…it might help with the smoke that has permeated the walls…)

    • April says:

      Thanks! We did a bunch of research and even had the Servepro people come out. I wanted to skip a step and prime the walls when I was finished fixing the cracks. So far, it seems to be better if we prime the wall (Zinzer Bin, I think) then fix the cracks and prime the wall again. The Zinzer is supposed to take care of any remaining stains. We shall see.

  2. Glynis Jolly says:

    This post was truly inspirational, April. I could feel myself pulling up my own mental bootstraps to get to work on what I want to accomplish. Absolutely marvelous! 😀

  3. Yes you can do it April.. what a wonderfully written post, and so inspiring.. Sending Love and well wishes April.. Love ❤ Sue

  4. ericdonald11 says:

    Hello April how are you doing. I’m Eric Donald I’m on here reading some military post when i saw your write up and your post they are very interesting to me so i decided to send you my email so we can know more about each other very well this is my email address please contact me….

  5. After being told by spirit I would die at a certain time, all the ‘things’ that I thought were important suddenly became irrelevant. I let go of this world in spades and saw that the only things that really had importance was the love of myself by understanding my fears, and that love I then gave out to others.
    And another lesson of just enjoying the moment, releasing all those ‘what if’s’ that plague us in everything we do. The peace and harmony that descended because of that was a pleasure to behold, and life really did become an enjoyable thing to do. And in releasing my fears, which drives our focus ‘out there’, allowed me to heal in releasing them, and coming back within and just ‘being me’. Living each moment as it comes along.
    Enjoy your ‘feathering’ April, it will slowly smooth over those cracks within, one stroke at a time 😀 ❤

    • April says:

      When I was diagnosed with having cancer, I had to do some serious soul searching about mortality. It took me on a loop of fear that I finally dealt with. I have to keep reminding myself that there are things I can control and things beyond my control. I forget it now and again.

  6. joey says:

    It’s a great metaphor 🙂
    We quit smoking three? four? years ago, but the house had been smoked in for 95 years and still, STILL, I find the smell of smoke wafting from the closets I have not yet painted. I’m sorry you suffer with your breathing over something that merely haunts me. 😦

    • April says:

      I’m glad you quit smoking 🙂 I quit over 28 years ago. I’m not sure the smell is completely to blame. For some reason I cough a lot when we’re at that house. There must be some other type of allergen lurking about.

  7. inmycorner says:

    Beautiful. I love the jump to the mental crack and how it too needed repair. So glad that you enjoy life moment by moment – and can take your time fixing the cracks.

  8. Cracked and repaired. Seems perfectly metaphorical.

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