Learning to be Helpless? Aw, c’mon

My husband has been taking a class, “Psychology for Living”. He has shared varying topics he has learned. He shares, I nod. Yes, I know about all that. I live that.

The other day, he started describing, Learned Helplessness. Hmmm. He went on to say how it is believed to be the root of some depression. I instantly had tears in my eyes. Could I have learned to put myself through this kind of mind torture? How do I unlearn it? I want to do that now!

So, I went to my source of all sources, Google. Sure enough, there was a topic I hadn’t explored yet. I started reading but didn’t get very far. I didn’t like what I was seeing in myself. To top it off, I returned way back to the cobweb infested part of my brain to dig up the old taunts from childhood friends and the feelings of isolation. All the beliefs created by a young growing mind.

Seriously, I thought I’d moved beyond that. I truly believe the past does not equal the future. We create our destiny with information we have retained through our experiences and interpretations thereof. It’s an ongoing process of receiving information, processing the information based upon what we know to be true, and creating our reality.

As I skimmed one article regarding “unlearning” helplessness I came across something that I already do. It’s known as gratitude, counting your blessings, being thankful. I’m actually doing something to teach myself to correct what I see as flaws in myself. I know I have much more to learn but at least I’m going the right direction.

For some time, I have been trying to regain my confidence. I don’t know why or how, but I lost the warrior inside me. I gave in to helplessness. The notion that if one action didn’t work out, try another, or another, or another, until I attained the desired results….poof….gone….lost in my mind of learned helplessness.

What do I have to be grateful today? I have passed the 6-year mark of my cancer surgery. I’m still alive and cancer free. That should be enough, however I sometimes wish I didn’t live the life inside my mind.

So…..I will continue to learn…..or unlearn, whatever the case may be.


About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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14 Responses to Learning to be Helpless? Aw, c’mon

  1. one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, until you can look back and see just how far you’ve come.

  2. Be kind to yourself! ❤
    Diana xo

  3. meANXIETYme says:

    Congratulations on the six years! I have heard the term learned helplessness but haven’t researched it much. I think your reaction to it might tell you how important that topic is to you…our strongest reactions often tell us a lot.

  4. mellewisblog says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. I would like to share a few of my thoughts if you don’t mind. You have to be grateful for not just the good things but the bad things too! As they make us the people we are today, they test us and give us strengths. Also when you do gratitude, a suggestion is to make yourself really feel the gratitude think about memories to do with gratitude, and really feel it. Maybe light a candle if that enhances your feelings or play music! But you’re doing fabulous and you are exactly where you need to be!

    • April says:

      Thank you. I’ve certainly had enough grief, life changes, more grief, more life changes……too closely together. I kind of appreciate the bad because it has made me look at myself in a different way. I’ve always known I was a strong minded, determined person and all that I’ve been through has made me see another side of life. I do some exercises before I go to bed, one of them listing a couple of things I find beautiful. I used to write about them in this blog…..I will continue to do that, I slipped and fell along my path to recovery. Thank you for the encouraging words.

  5. That is the most profound discovery to make April…to ‘see’ that truth within. It is there that your freedom is. That automatic feeling of pain means you’ve hit the jackpot. Your higher self has asked you to ‘see’ this so that you can begin to understand the why of how you are. To see the pain for what it is, understand it by looking to see why you have reacted in a certain way…and in understanding it, it is no longer a fear. Fear is only something we don’t fully understand.
    Yes, it is painful and not an easy thing to do…but your husband has held up his hand to be a part of your healing, help you go through and find the real you within. Just take it easy and be gentle with yourself, you have had a lifetime of doing this (because it nearly always comes back to how you feel towards those that you loved and looked up to in your upbringing, they unintentionally treat you from the fears that they gained from those that they loved and looked up to as well. And that is how we are as well, because it is all we know).
    You have been given a great opening in finally ‘seeing’ a flash of that place within, the wall that we all build to block that pain. But in doing so, we can only ‘see’ from that wall, not beyond it. You have been shown a glimpse of the beauty and light that is truly there, waiting with a great love for you to re-find who you really are.
    When you look back, you will ‘see’ the blessing that it is…that love that we deny ourselves for so long will be there with arms open wide.
    I have seen it, touched it, and it is now who I am. Embrace it April, it will set you free…I promise ❤

  6. joey says:

    So glad you’re still cancer free! 😀
    One, we learn the right things at the right time.
    Two, life beats the tar out of us and anyone can forget their own majesty.
    Three, thank you for continuing to share with us. ❤

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