Some of you know that I, like many suffering from some sort of mental disorder, take a handful of pills. Some are vitamins and some are prescriptions. Dr.-Wacky-Pants-Pill-Pusher has thrown another one at me and this one took me way, way off the path.
Before and after starting this medication, I would tick off the hours until dinner time so that I could have a drink, or two, or three. I wanted some way to escape my thoughts, and alcohol was a means to disrupt the obsessive thinking. Meditating wasn’t working because I was having trouble quieting the monkeys.
Did I get drunk? nah….it seemed that alcohol had little affect except add pounds to my already overweight body. The secret…..I didn’t tell my doctor.
There is a reason for the warning to avoid alcohol while on antidepressants. In fact, there are many reasons to avoid mixing the two. The one I believe I’m struggling with is that alcohol is making my medications ineffective.
I’ve been living in a torturous cycle, striving to fight my damndest to crawl out and breathe in some positivity.
I don’t know if it is unfortunate or not but I have a tendency to lead myself to obsessive actions. Knitting, adult coloring, binge (really binge) watch television, over thinking. I have been obsessively thinking about being depressed…..am I depressed because I think I am, therefore I’m depressed? Around and around I go. Do I even make sense?
The drinking has stopped. The physical exercise is going to begin. I can’t put it off any longer…..it’s too painful.
We recently made a trip to the rural house my husband inherited from his dad, to continue with the piecemeal tasks to prepare it for retirement or to be sold. One of my obsessive thoughts has been being a square peg in a round hole. How do I fit in? How do I accept myself?
I haven’t shared a picture here for a long time, but there it was….my answer…contained in a paper towel holder my father-in-law crafted.
I must soften my edges.
p.s. what the heck happened to WP while I was having obsessive thoughts turned inside instead of looking outside for happiness and positivity?