Get Back Up

Ha! I’m sure my titles really draw a reader in, but I blog to watch the progression of my thoughts.

I got up again this morning. I felt worse than yesterday. I deliberately repeated sayings in my mind to pull myself out of the pit again. I suppose if you repeat information long enough your mind will tend to believe it. Hey, it worked with my negative thoughts, I simply have to practice my positive thoughts.

As I’ve said, doing much of anything becomes extremely difficult during times of mild to major depression. Even though we know in our minds that we need to do something, the fight is meaningless. We don’t intend to do this, it happens. I fight against it and when I’m not successful I usually slip further into depression.

I read inspirational quotes posted on Instagram. I read them and sit with each one before I scroll to the next. I haven’t read anything lately….just bided time. As I have come to think of it, wasted time.

Anyway, a while back I read a message I tried to capture in my thoughts and hold it there. Obviously, it didn’t work. In fact, I had to scroll way back to find the message and read it again.

You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that made you wiser, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grew. Be proud of this.

I don’t know the author of this and I had to change a phrase because the person used a word which is not a word. Something I like to do–makeup words–but in this case, since I was sharing, I thought I would correct it.

While scrolling, I came across another…

Don’t settle into the setback. ~ author unknown

Yes, so easy.

Am I making it harder on myself by settling into the setback?

I have come to accept that I have asthma, I’m a lung cancer survivor (of 6 years now), I’m ageing, I’m taller than I’ve ever wanted to be, my teeth aren’t perfect, I’m overweight (which I do have control of), and my hair has some gray in it now.

I have not totally accepted that I have to take medication to stabilize my emotions. I’m at the point now that I wonder if the pills are making me worse. What was I like before? I remember obsessive thoughts, grief, regret, and a sense of losing myself due to normal life changes. How did I get to where I am today?

Depression.

It’s a part of my life.

I will grow.

 

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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16 Responses to Get Back Up

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    Thanks for sharing that saying. I am going to keep it around, too.

    I’m sorry you are struggling today. I understand a lot of what you’re saying and empathize with how it is making you feel. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

  2. joey says:

    You ARE growing. Day by day. Thank you for sharing your strength with us.

  3. Tim Shield says:

    I suffer depression as well. The mornings have been almost unbearable. Solidarity

  4. Noticing it and your daily thoughts and focus are such a huge part of healing ā¤ļø happy thoughts being Sent your way!!

  5. Glynis Jolly says:

    Settling in can take over so easily. We get into habits not stopping to contemplate whether they are good or bad for us. Sometimes the struggle seems so endless. I have found that, more often than not, that is the point when a change is coming soon if I just keep on pushing forward.

  6. You’ve already come so far and accomplished so much. Not every day will be sunshine and kittens but every day you don’t give up is still a victory. Thank you for continuing to share your story and your inner demons with us, it helps to know we’re not alone.

  7. In heart and mind šŸ˜€ ā¤

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