Er, Can I Speak Now?

First and foremost, I know that there are people in the United States who are just as disappointed with the past election as I am. I know I’m not alone but someone out there may feel that they are alone.

Not everyone is a Stands With Fist type of person. Those lost in the rubble of navigating feelings and what can do?

I will have to admit that since the election I have been in and out of states of depression. The hardest part for me is that I couldn’t figure out why…..pile on a top of that, a bunch of pretending I’m not depressed creates obsession…abnormal amounts of obsession.

I’m old enough to have paid attention to the actions of different political parties ruling our country. I don’t identify with the Republican party. I just don’t, and that should be okay. It doesn’t make me stupid, blah, blah, blah. I am who I am through my interpretations of my life experiences.

I have had trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that I knew people I seriously didn’t know after all. Some rude about their beliefs, and some simply fighting for what they believe. At first, I was sad to lose some friends, but have since realized that self care is more important to me than a toxic relationship with someone I outgrew decades ago. You know, it’s hard to stand among a group of friends and state that you have a mental illness, it shouldn’t be so hard to state which political party you identify with and not receive an onslaught of vulgarities and name calling.

I’m on a self-imposed exile from news. I have been paying attention to what is being signed and passed by our government while the circus is playing to the public. What’s happening behind the chaos isn’t pretty and I will find my way to fight against what I feel is destroying our environment, the status of our health care, and the education of our children. I will continue to fight the stigma of mental illness and strive to do my part for individuals to have access to affordable care/medications, and not be ashamed to ask.

You know what…..I have allowed myself to believe that there must be something really wrong with me. How can so many people overlook the crass nature of this person we call President? Am I so out of touch with reality that I’m going down the wrong path to recovery? The answer to that would be no, even though I question my sanity each and every day.

Where is my hypomania? I could use some right about now because I have a Stands With Fist inside me that’s simply too depressed to care.

I don’t want to question my ups and down of the illness I suffer from. I accept that I have ups and downs and I’m learning to live in spite of them. I can’t allow someone else control how much mindspace they suck from me. I need all I can contain to keep on fighting.



About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
This entry was posted in Anxeity and Depression and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Er, Can I Speak Now?

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    I feel the same as you about the state of our country and the people in my life whom I thought I knew. And I feel equally as lost as to how to deal with all of it, especially with my psychological and physical limitations.

    I understand your feelings all too well. We are not alone in this.

  2. I relate to every word of this. I wish I had a better response, but I don’t. I’m trying to formulate something to post on the subject at this moment but havent’ managed it thus far. Sigh…

    • April says:

      What bothers me, a person suffering from anxiety as well, is the doom and gloom speeches. I have enough imaginary things to worry about. 🙂

  3. Well done April. It is in fact by looking after yourself that you can then give from that place. Always do you first, and everyone else will benefit from it anyway 😀
    It is your heart and journey that is building a peace and love that then shows the world what they are seeking. Just be that peace and love. It will have bumpy bits, but each time you learn a little more, love a little more, and become what ‘you’ seek. Trust it…and trust you…the love that you are creating is the understanding of your journey 😀 ❤

  4. Elouise says:

    Bravo, April! I, too, am watching the dismantling of our social safety nets–such as they are. And the steady erosion of international good will. The news circus is just that, and keeps us looking the wrong way, in my opinion. Focusing on what I can do each day and no more gives me some relief from the constant appeal to our emotional outrage. ❤🙏🏻

  5. reocochran says:

    April, hope you keep your chin up! ❤
    I have cut back on blogging, talking to some of my friends and I literally cling to those who are appalled that “He” is President! How in the world and who would choose him?? I am upset the man I have cared about since last May told me he thought Trump was “not going to win” and that he was “not the kind who he could look up.” This was long before November.
    Guess who he ended up voting for?! Must I not date him anymore? Friends say, “Yes, stop dating him.” I cannot help but think this may just be one subject we will be silent about. . . My two brothers, 2 of 3 grown kids and my parent (Mom) voted like I did for Hillary, full of hope! I just am taking one step at a time. . .

    • April says:

      My husband has voted for a different party than I have, and I was shocked. However, this new leader is someone that scares me.

  6. joey says:

    I feel much the same. I watch a news program here and there, but I ignore SO much of it. It’s everywhere, and it’s diabolical, and that’s hard to process. The incoming rate of insanity is much faster than I can process.
    I haven’t given up on people, but I did unfollow, restrict, and even unfriend a couple of people who were just too … hateful. There seems to be a great disparity between my conservative friends and the hateful few. Most of my conservative friends are more with you and me than they are with the man whose name I do not speak. I am low-key avoiding a few people I would have otherwise seen by now. I can’t possibly put them off for years, but who knows what the future holds?
    I like the thought that we’re not alone.

  7. Gallivanta says:

    I try every day to understand the why and how of the US President. I would love to have bee a fly on the wall at his meeting with Angela Merkel. Their photo-op was a dismal affair. Sometimes countries continue on despite their leaders’ foibles, especially if there is a solid public service and justice system in place. Obama didn’t get as much done as he wanted and the US still ticked along quite well. If the same thing happens to Trump,the US will probably come through okay. It would help if someone took away his Twitter though.

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