Jumbled Thinking

A jumble of thoughts passing through my mind. Mostly good and are helping me to continue to move in a positive direction, but some self-defeating.

Back pain. Lying flat on the floor looking through a window at the cloudless sky.

Clouds roll in….

shapes appear.

Breathe in.

We breathe until we die.

As hard as I try to awaken to a positive thought, my very first thought is “crap…another day”. Yes, I turn it around and say to myself “a new day, full of new opportunities”. I repeat and repeat the statement before my feet hit the floor.

The next morning I can’t intercept the crappy thought before the new and optimistic thought. My brain awakens to the same thought each morning. Each night I go to sleep thankful for another day of life. I count my blessings as I fall off to sleep. Why doesn’t it last through the night?

Disappointing myself.

Disappointing others.

No interest in doing anything……anything. Is it a deliberate choice? To do nothing? Do I really care?

Just do it! Something!

Is this depression? No….don’t think so.

Just exhausted.

There are so many Denzel Washington movies I hadn’t seen….same with Meryl Streep. I’m caught up now?

We breathe until we die.





About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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15 Responses to Jumbled Thinking

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    Yeah, I totally understand this.

  2. The struggle is real.

    • April says:

      Real and routine. So routine I could scream at the moment. I try to attempt things with a positive mental attitude, but how positive can you be when you have cleaned the same toilet over and over….how many scoops of poop have been removed from the litter pans in the last year…crap, the floor needs to be swept again. It’s time for music to distract me while going about the daily struggle. I’m overthinking πŸ™‚

  3. joey says:

    What you said.

  4. Glynis Jolly says:

    Life is a struggle. Please know you’re not alone.

  5. But breathing IS positive April. So it is beating your thoughts EVERY night, every morning, and every day. So you have already defeated it…now go enjoy your day πŸ˜€

  6. You did do something. I just read it. πŸ™‚

  7. Rivenrod says:

    Psychological cuddle winging at you . . .


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