When Depression Is No Longer an Option

The following is my personal observation of my actions….my disease. I’m not speaking for all people who suffer from depression.

Here’s the thing with those of us who strive to manage life with depression. It’s tough. If we go to an off site job….meaning not at home…we will most likely brush our teeth. Some of us may take a shower, put on makeup, comb our hair. Definitely we will probably put on some street clothes or appropriate attire for our jobs.

We plaster on a semblance of a smile and do the best we can.

To. Make. It. Through. The. Day.

Is our depression buddy just around the corner? Is it just a normal “bad” day?

The more we compensate for our perceived flaws the less we feel like doing…

….anything.

We slack off here, we slack of there. We stop fixing our hair and it becomes a quick brush through. Aw hell, we run our fingers through it and call it good. The makeup? It stays in the drawer. The pulled together look is replaced with whatever happens to be clean and not lying on the floor. Or maybe it is lying on the floor but it’s less wrinkled than the other clothes.

We stop.

I stopped.

Until it affects those I love.

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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21 Responses to When Depression Is No Longer an Option

  1. As someone else who “manages” life with depression, I can say this post is so incredibly accurate.

  2. mewhoami says:

    Your last line reminds me of something I said to the air a few days ago…”If you’re drowning, it’s very likely that someone near you is drowning too.”

  3. The realisation of the ‘until’, shows you your awareness of self. And that is because you do love yourself…and they love you too, regardless of it πŸ™‚

    • April says:

      Mark, I have been working on this for years. I get frustrated with my setbacks. Some of them make sense, most don’t. I have to practice a little more mindfulness. I’m getting there…..:D

      • Its like anything in life…understanding it…and then practicing the change you wish to see April. And yes, you are most certainly getting there, I can ‘see’ it πŸ˜€
        Have a beautiful New Year, it has many lovely changes for you πŸ˜€ ❀

  4. Glynis Jolly says:

    Depression isn’t my problem per se, although it is a sideliner. There are days when getting out of bed is exactly what I don’t want to do, but I do it anyway. I need to use the bathroom after all. Those are the days I make sure to spend some time outside, even if I don’t get past the carport because of the weather. Being out in the fresh air or its simile helps my mood–even when it’s stormy.

    • April says:

      Hahahaha! I usually have to get up to go pee too! It’s the draw of going back to bed that I have to fight. The outdoors does wonders for a person. I agree with you on that.

  5. Insight from you, to those who don’t understand. So valuable April.

  6. Gallivanta says:

    😦 😦

  7. tlohuis says:

    I’m currently battling this ugly monster, again. I know I will somehow, someway, pull myself out of the deep, dark abyss…..again………………..Depression is for life. Cycles repeat and we have to figure out how to pick ourselves up, again, and again, and again.

    • April says:

      I keep waiting for a magic wand and pop it on my head….wishing everything was typical. Sorry you have to deal with this as well.

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