…..and…..poof….it’s gone

The day after Christmas is always a letdown. It always has been and, more than likely, always will be. I should prepare for it. I thought I had.

Eons ago I learned not to expect anything, just let the days around the holiday happen.

Enjoy each moment. But……

I still have expectations.

I still miss the moments.

I force the days around the holiday.

The meals, the birthday, the cleaning, the various schedules of the family, the wrapping, the pleasing…the pleasing…the pleasing.

Is everybody enjoying themselves?

I actually have a logical part of my brain that continues to function. I’ll bet you didn’t know that. That part of my mind doesn’t understand this side of my personality.

Inside my mind I repeat…let it go, let it happen, embrace it. I say it over and over until it drowns out all the noise around me. I try to take mini breaks….you know, like in the bathroom…but not so long that someone thinks something is wrong with me.

But they know anyway.

They know there is something wrong with me.

It’s the day after.

Next December 26th will be another day after…..and I will try again to break the cycle.

The following made me smile:

  • Our daughter was home
  • Looking at wedding dresses online with our daughter
  • The Christmas Eve festivities consisted of an NFL football game, I cooked, and instead of a board game our daughter picked out a puzzle–one of our other traditional holiday activities. She picked out one of the hardest puzzles.
  • I surprised my husband with birthday and Christmas gifts that he didn’t expect, and I know he will actually use them.
  • Our family was all together.

I just wish I were present for the last week.

Hope you are having a good day after and can find something to make you smile.

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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24 Responses to …..and…..poof….it’s gone

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    It’s so hard to be present sometimes. I understand. Be kind to yourself, most especially on these hard days and during these difficult moments.

    • April says:

      The real rotten thing is the days are as hard as I make them. Once I get started….well, I have to learn to turn my thoughts around and I haven’t quite mastered that.

  2. Simon says:

    Its hard isn’t it? We all do what we can eh?

    • April says:

      I internalize, which makes me mad.

      • Simon says:

        Oh tell me about it. I find i try hard to make them all happy, get abused, ignore it then it goes on to the point i explode and they wonder why and scream at me that i have anger issues.
        So i withdraw too… I feel for you April

        • April says:

          I find reason why I’m to blame. I’m quite the expert when it comes to making sure I am the reason everything in the universe goes awry.

          • Simon says:

            We’ll stop it. Now. I can do the same to if I let it, but you have to realise like I have that you can’t make others happy. All you can do is give them the opportunity to be happy and see if they take it with the love you have it with. The problem is that when you give love others can take it for granted and then it becomes sour and about what else they can get.
            So stop blaming yourself and take a little for you ok? 😃😘

  3. Just be you April…while ever you worried about all those expectations of others (and yourself), your spiraling inside with ‘what if’, ‘how can I’, etc, etc. it will just drag you away from what is important.
    Do you, be in the moment. Think of those moments when you are really interested in a story someone is telling you, your laughing or expressing surprise at the tale as it is told….and you are not even thinking about anything else at all…you are in the moment.
    Now do your story…stand in the love that is you…and just be you. Everyone else will accept that, because in truth, that is who you are…..you!
    Have a lovely new year, it is going to be the outcome of what you have already created within! 😀

  4. Sounds like you were present enough to find things to be happy about. 🙂 ❤ That’s something to celebrate. 🙂 Merry after Christmas April. We need to have a “Holiday Letdown Celebration” day for next year. I’m in if you are. 🙂

  5. April says:

    Merry Christmas lady! I’m sure it was a wonderful Christmas and you obviously found some moments to make you smile 😊

  6. Glynis Jolly says:

    I’m totally the opposite of you, April. I wake up every December 26th with a long refreshing sigh. It’s finally over with. All the preparation of getting the house ready and all that food ready is gone. All the torn wrapping paper, plastic, and boxes are gone. All the chitchat and Christmas carols are over with. I finally have quietude.

  7. Elouise says:

    I just found something that makes me smile. YOU! 🙂🙂🙂
    Thanks for another year of sharing your life with us. ❤️️

  8. angyjenks says:

    It will get better.. 😊

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