I could say I made it to the store and back without incident and the only person who would know I lied would be my husband….if he is still reading my blog. However, I didn’t make it to the store.
I made the initial steps to get to the there. I dressed better than I normally do, I put on makeup and curled my hair. I even had my socks and shoes on. I was ready to go. Some of the baby steps toward my goal.
So what went wrong?
I had a little fiasco about an item I had to be home to sign for….that didn’t show up, and another fiasco with our credit card company. I could bore you with the details but I will just get worked up again.
After dealing with these issues and working myself into a tizzy, I wasn’t about to go to the store at 4pm.
I’m constantly amazed or confused by how my brain processes information, however, yesterday I had myself at the peak of frustration and anger.
On another note….
It dawned on me that my latest burst of energy and the feeling of depression lifting was due to the increase of one of my medications. I also remembered Dr. Quacky Pants telling me he wasn’t too sure of this new approach because it may make me a little high strung.
Well, I’m a little more than high strung.
A call to Dr. Quacky Pants only made me scratch my head. His recommendation was to take the extra dose on the days I start to feel down. This medication takes weeks to have any impact on mood. What would taking an extra dose for one day accomplish?
Now I have a conundrum….the increase of medication helped my depression tremendously, but the increase has left me with side effects which are a little hard to control when compiled with an anxiety disorder.
What’s worse? Anxiety, with the physical feelings that accompany it? Or depression?
Is high strung April better than depressed April? Which April can I live with? Which April can my family live with?
All I know is that I will try to go to the store again today.