Rollercoaster, ooh ooh ooh ooh

Feeling quite a bit better. New medication tweak must be starting to work.

I did get out with our youngest son and his girlfriend to take photos of the super moon. I didn’t have much success with the photos, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. We went to a new housing development area that was on the top of a hill because there are too many trees that block the horizon.

We walked through the freshly tilled Georgia clay—except it wasn’t clay because we have been having a drought. It was all soft, powdery, and orange. Even though the dirt turned my black sandals brown, and I had to scrub my feet and half way up my legs, it was worth it. Now I have to see if I can remove the orange stains from my capri pants. We got kicked off the hill by the management company representing the new community.

The plus side to having the drought is the most stunning sunny days. The only problem is that we have wildfires in the northern part of our state. The winds have blown the smoke toward our area and have created havoc with my asthma….as well as one of my cats. Yes, cats get asthma and it’s really fun to give them treatments (sarcasm). Therefore, all the enjoyment I have been eeking out by having the windows open, I’ve had to close.

The only upside to depression is when it lifts. However, it’s scary to realize that months happened and now it’s the week before Thanksgiving. I know it isn’t rare for people to react to the rapid approach of a holiday, but I feel as if I weren’t living….just existing. The mechanical movements to eat and sit on the couch. Time ticking away.

Do you see what I have to deal with? Ups and downs. The ups aren’t hypomanic anymore due to one of the medications I’m on, but I do have periods of “normalcy”. Then anxiety or other triggers bring me to depression. The hopeless world inside my mind. The world of darkness. Ticktock. Ticktock. The days I have to dig so deeply to find something that makes life worth living is the only thing that keeps me getting out of bed each morning. I’m thankful that the medications I’m on, prevent me from sliding so far down into the pit that I know when to reach out for help.

The clouds parted and the fog is lifting…I’m almost here again. Hopefully I stick around until after Christmas.

Ohemgee! It’s Thanksgiving next week!



About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
This entry was posted in Anxeity and Depression, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Rollercoaster, ooh ooh ooh ooh

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    I wish you much enjoyment (and as little stress as possible) for your Thanksgiving!! 🙂

  2. mewhoami says:

    Glad to hear that you’re feeling better, also that you got to get out and see the super moon. It’s been so beautiful all week. I could probably stare at it for hours. Thanksgiving – How did it come upon us so fast? Deep breath. It’ll all work out and will be great, and if there are hiccups along the way then that just means we’ll have more memories to share. 🙂

  3. joey says:

    Here’s hoping the fog clears soon 🙂

  4. Bradley says:

    Glad you’re better. I hope the trend continues

  5. And the Christmas, then New Year, etc, etc. Just let them go April, they are just mass expectations you put on yourself, they will arrive when they are ready. And yes, you need to buy some stuff in, make a list and then let it go.
    Too much life between now and them…your life, not the dates, they do not own you 🙂
    Have a beautiful day 😀

    • April says:

      I’m not really stressed about the holidays, I let that go years ago. Even if something doesn’t work out, I still get to spend time with my family which is the most important thing. I just want to be in that mindful place that misses out on the days inbetween.

  6. Glynis Jolly says:

    The whole mood of your post has changed, April. I hope there are any ugly side effects to this new medication because I can see the uplift of your spirits in your writing. Take each moment as it comes, my friend.

  7. reocochran says:

    I liked the beauty in the super moon. Did you soak your capri’s and were you able to get the stain out?
    Clay is such a challenge to get out of clothes.
    I hope the mood does stay lifted and no side effects or long term effects on your “innards.” I have made a little progress with my guy, which has helped lift my spirits. 🙂

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