Sunday With April

What a stinkin’ cycle life can become. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good.

I’m neither experiencing too much anxiety – does that ever go away? – nor am I depressed, but it takes a monumental effort to make myself do something.

Anything.

So, is it that I don’t care? Am I depressed and don’t want to accept it? Or am I just a lazy person?

As a compulsive knitter, I can’t believe I haven’t touched yarn in over…..well, has it been two months? Three?

There is a quote out there about being thankful if all you did today was breathe, but I’m taking that a little too far. Yes, I have given myself permission to just relax for 15 minutes, 2 hours, all day………every day. This has gotten out of hand.

I suppose it’s going to take some forceful self-butt-kicking and get moving. My back is feeling a bit better, I have run out of excuses. If I’m totally honest with myself, I have accomplished some things and I need to give myself some credit and move along.

This is what I found to make me smile: (some may be repeats)

  • We are starting to have milder weather. The kind we can open our windows and turn off the air conditioning
  • My Nerf gun
  • A sappy movie I watched on the Hallmark channel
  • Pumpkin Cheesecake Brownie scraps Sensible Girlfriend brought to me from the bakery she works
  • The patience of my husband
  • Realizing I’m not thinking about cancer and the what ifs…..Every. Single. Day.
  • Waking up this morning and realizing it’s Football Sunday!

Now, I’m off to catch up on some blog reading before the games start. Hope you find something to make you smile today!

Oh! A little random thinking……I don’t understand why some women are offended if a man asks…well I guess tells her to smile. Even in my darkest of dark days….if I’m in the presence of people….I always make eye contact and smile. It’s my mask, and when someone smiles back, it makes me feel better. Perhaps that is why I don’t understand it……nobody has asked me to smile before. I have been assaulted but that doesn’t compare to someone telling me to smile. Am I that naive?

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
This entry was posted in Anxeity and Depression, Sunday's Smiles and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Sunday With April

  1. I don’t see you as naive, April. Another thing is, that I feel okay if people ask one to smile, it use to help at the mood anyway.
    Good to see you still are able to find something to smile at.
    Did you have a bad experience with your knitting, since you didn’t touch it for so long time?
    If so, try to focus at all the things, as you did succeed with.

    • April says:

      Not sure why I stopped knitting. I finished my last project and haven’t started a new one. I’m trying to focus on the successes but maybe not enough attention.

  2. Sounds to me like you’re taking a little R and R having recently climbed out of a dark hole. I’m not sure there’s anything wrong with that April. I once took a Franklin Covey course and it talked about taking time for yourself and how most of us feel guilty about doing that. They even suggested scheduling it in so if someone says can we meet on such and such a date, you can say I’m not available at that time. We need to make sure our account is full before we start making withdrawals. ❤
    Diana xo

  3. meANXIETYme says:

    I get how you’re feeling with the “doing nothing” as I’ve been feeling the same way. We have to remember that we ARE accomplishing things, even if they are small things. Even talking with a spouse is SOMETHING. Don’t be too hard on yourself about it. If you’re ready to kick your own butt and get moving, do it. If not, don’t stress over it.

    As for the smile thing…I think it’s about basing someone’s worth on whether or not they smile. If you smile because in the end you feel better (by getting that good response from someone else), that’s awesome. But if someone doesn’t want to smile or maybe even feels it isn’t appropriate to smile, that’s entirely their decision and not someone else’s place to judge them on it. I also think that it’s a throwback to expecting women to smile and be pretty, but remain quiet. KnowhatImean? 🙂

  4. Andi says:

    Also, you wrote a blog post!! You are productive!

    As for the smiling bit… I tell people to smile. Definitely not strangers, but people I care about. I will even tell them to fake smile, and I fake smile all the time. The act of smiling releases fantastic hormones, and forcing one on your face will make you feel better and maybe even make you want to smile. I’m smiling right now, and I have resigned myself to never actually being happy. It’s for the hormones dammit!

    You got this.

  5. A smile has great power April…even a masky one 😀
    It shows others exactly where you are at, even if they don’t really understand the signals that a smile gives, they can sense it.
    And you ‘know’ the power of someone who is really happy, it is infectious, and lights up a room.
    Be happy…for you. You have achieved much…and in a very short time. Give yourself credit for what you have done, because you are doing what most have not….your trying to change, bit the bullet and went hunting for your truth. Do not belittle that, it is something that takes great effort, especially when on some days you just need to rest. That is you saying, ok, I need some time out.
    That in itself, is a great love…to you…the hardest bit of all to do. Well done, and take a bow, you deserve it 🙂

    • April says:

      Thank you. I have been working hard but it has been decades in the making. I wish I had learned what I’m now learning about myself long ago. Even though I expect perfection of myself (I’m trying to let go of that) I have come a long way and finally feel as if I’m living.

      • And well done April. And don’t forget, you would not have appreciated the journey if it had been easy, you would have just forgotten about it. It’s like climbing a mountain, when you get to the top, you really appreciate what it took to get there AND appreciate the view even more because of that.
        It is meant to be difficult so that you can SEE that you are so worth the time and effort of your journey. It brings your belief of you, and your heart, back together as one. And in that, you are doing well 🙂

  6. aviets says:

    Those ante great things to smile about. And I smile every time I see a post from yu. Thank you for that.

  7. aviets says:

    Are! Are! Not ante. Sheesh.

  8. I think you are very self aware. And sensitive.

  9. joey says:

    I’m glad you had a nice list of happy things 🙂 That’s a good way to start or wrap-up a week — whichever way you look at it.
    I wonder why you aren’t knitting, but oh well, not a big deal. I hope you can find something to get motivated about, but sometimes, we just need restful periods, and if that’s the case, enjoy it. ❤
    I don’t like men tellin me to smile. If someone wants me to smile, they should give me a reason, like a bright, kind smile of their own 🙂

    • April says:

      I agree with you about smiling. I’ve decided to just go with however I’m feeling and accept it. Eventually, I will accomplish big things. 🙂

  10. reocochran says:

    I really like how you find things to be amused by, as well as smile about! I think everyone has cycles, mood swings and lazybones!! I just want to lie around after work and it takes an iced coffee or a soda pop to refuel my empty energy tank. Hugs, smiles and kisses, kind wishes sent your way! ❤

  11. smilecalm says:

    wishing you calm breaths
    and happy moments, April 🙂

  12. Glynis Jolly says:

    I’ve been feeling the same slothfulness. I wonder if it’s the lack of the weather changing significantly. This last weekend I didn’t see the temperatures crawl up to the 80s finally. In fact, they’ve barely reached 70. I’m hoping this change will help me get my rear end in gear.

  13. mewhoami says:

    Funny, my son was just talking about how he wants a chocolate pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. My first thought was, eww…but apparently, according to what sensible girlfriend gave you, pumpkin and chocolate can indeed go together. On another note, your level of productivity is good as long as it’s good for you. In other words, we shouldn’t compare our level of productivity with that of others (even the busy ones have down time, whether they admit to it or not). If you’re happy with what you accomplish, then that’s ultimately what matters.

    • April says:

      That’s where I need to turn my thinking around. I’m not happy that I’m not getting anything done. I need to focus on what I do accomplish.

      • mewhoami says:

        That’s right. Instead of focusing on the unchecked list, find victory in all the boxes you have checked. It’ll all get done in time, one task at a time.

  14. Elouise says:

    Hi, April. I also struggle with days of lethargy. Low energy. Not depressed, which is a different kind of ‘nowhere in particular,’ but just plain unmotivated. I’ve decided mine is a combination of the heart med I’m taking and my slowly (way too slowly in my opinion!) improving recovery from adrenal fatigue–for which I’m seeing a doctor. It creates a horrible fog, doesn’t it? Thanks for sharing so much of your daily life with grace, humor, and the occasional tear. 🙂 Today I went out for a morning walk right after breakfast. One thing done that felt good!!!!
    Elouise

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