Every Little Step is a Success

A strange feeling occurs when depression lifts. I think I have lived with depression and more grief than I could handle in such a narrow space of time, I never thought I would make it through the muck. It kind of became a part of how I defined myself. No more. It is something that may happen to me but I am not depression, nor anxiety.

I made that second trip to the city not far from us. I focused on my driving because that’s what one does when they are driving–at least most of us. As I sat down in the waiting room, there was another odd feeling, I wasn’t really nervous/anxious. I sat there and enjoyed the moment. For the first time, in I don’t know how long, I was void of depression and had very low anxiety.

A moment of peace. Talk about something to make me smile, that certainly made me smile—big!

Somewhere along the way, I lost confidence in my abilities. I’m usually not afraid to try anything. Everything is new to us at some point but we will never know what we are capable of if we let fear get in the way. So far, I’m pretty darn good at demolition and cleaning up after. I have also created more work while trying to stretch beyond my perceived abilities, but I have learned from my mistakes.

Some of you know that we are remodeling a house in rural Missouri that my husband inherited from his dad. The house wasn’t in any shape to sell, we have been considering retiring there but haven’t made the final decision. We may just sell the cute little house and move on.

Anyway, that house has created a lot of areas of challenge and I just keep moving forward.

Between going back and forth between that house, hunting season, and my husband’s responsibility for his share of keeping the hunting property maintained, we have been redoing our two story decks. We had a pro come in to make sure the structure was sound but we are going to replace the decking and the rails.

My husband laid a few boards down and told me I was going to screw them into the joists.

Ummm…no way…what if I screw things up? (haha, pun intended) We didn’t go to The Home Depot for our decking, we went to a specialty lumber yard and purchased good decking because we enjoy our deck and wanted it to be the best we could afford.

By the time we reached the top deck, I decided to give driving screws a try. I may have only drove in one screw to my husband’s four but I helped, and he appreciated the time saved.

What did I learn? I have muscles I haven’t used in quite a while.

During a break, I read a quote via Instragram, which I can’t find now—It’s perfectly okay to not be perfect. -unknown to me.

Such a simple concept, isn’t it? You know what? I didn’t have my screws evenly spaced and in a straight line but I can live with that. I kept repeating that phrase to myself because it’s true.

I’m loving this strange feeling of not being depressed so that I can really focus my time on that which makes me anxious. I will not fear depression creeping up behind me because I have survived…and I will again.

 

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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20 Responses to Every Little Step is a Success

  1. mewhoami says:

    You guys have certainly been busy, but all that hard work is going to pay off. If you decide you don’t want the home in Missouri, I’ll take it. 🙂 I wish… On a serious note, it’s so wonderful to hear that you’re enjoying a depression free time and I pray that it lasts a lonnng time.

    • April says:

      I hope the depression takes a long depression. I know I have to do my part to keep a healthy mind and I’m doing everything I can to keep it that way.

  2. aviets says:

    That’s so great!

    One thing I find about those DIY projects is how much I enjoy sitting back and enjoying them when they’re done, knowing I did the work. When I watch home improvements shows where someone comes in and does a makeover I feel really sorry for the owners that they miss out on that sense of pride of accomplishment.

  3. Really good to see you free for depression April and you take one step a time 🙂

  4. Bradley says:

    I love this post. You’re so full of optimism.

  5. Take a bow April, you are doing so well 🙂
    And it becomes exponential, the more you realise that you DO have control, your confidence becomes stronger and stronger.
    It is a big journey…but one full of love as you find that beauty within again 🙂

    • April says:

      Thank you, Mark. I’m learning as I go and one thing that has stood out the most is that I don’t have to have all the answers….and I don’t have to be what I perceive as perfect.

      • Correct…its all about accepting you…for the beauty you already are 🙂
        That is loving yourself, dropping all those expectations from self or others.
        Just be you…and your doing it in spades 🙂

  6. reocochran says:

    I am very happy and excited for you, April! This sounds like you are making some good choices that are reinforcing a positive response. It is happening a quite a good rate, too. I imagine how you may seem unfamiliar with this happy non-depressed state of mind. Hope you get used to it 🙂 xo

    • April says:

      It was slow to emerge but once I started paying attention I found myself looking for more positive ways of living instead of worrying why I am not a better person. I now realize that I am getting better each day. I’m not even going to worry about the fact that I may have another episode of depression. I just hope I’m prepared before it strikes. I have learned I will survive with the proper help.

  7. joey says:

    Great post — made me smile 🙂

  8. Gallivanta says:

    May your un-depressed, low anxiety status go from strength to strength. 🙂

  9. It’s wonderful to do the work, see the work, and feel the benefits. 🙂

  10. Elouise says:

    Cheers and more cheers! I just caught up on your latest posts. A great way to begin my day. 😊

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