Anxiety in the Moment

I read something along the line….if you are anxious, you are thinking about the future….live in the moment. So, I’ve been practicing living in the moment, even the sucky ones. I feel the moment and let it pass. If I learn something from it that will help me in the future, then that was a great moment. I breathe in all the great moments.

As a retired taxi driver for my kids, I have developed a bit of a phobia/anxiety over driving. Well, I think I have always had anxiety over driving. Having the lives of little people in my hands always created anxiety. I tried to hide it and I think I did pretty well. My kids think I simply don’t like driving.

Anyway, I had an appointment with one of my -ist doctors that is about a 40-minute drive from our house. A couple of days before, I felt the anxiety start to build. Was I going to make it to my appointment on time? What if I get lost? (which was silly because I know where I’m going) What if someone runs into me? I have to get on the freeway! What if someone won’t let me merge into the lane of traffic?

I reminded myself about the living in the moment exercise, and realized that when I’m driving I have no other choice than to live in the moment. There are cars here and there and a speed limit to follow. Every moment I am on the road is an anxious moment.

So, therein lies my problem. I have anxiety about driving so I avoid it as much as I can. I have done this to the point of isolating myself at home and not enjoying the moments spent there.

Exposure therapy is the answer given to me by my therapist and I don’t like it. Who likes putting themselves outside their comfort zone all the time?

I watched a documentary about a mountain/ice climber. I found it quite interesting since our daughter is dating a mountain/ice climber. Oh. My. Other than the blissful fact that I am not the mother or wife of a mountain/ice climber I found it quite interesting. They push themselves to conquer what is in front of them. It’s not that they have no fear, they just know themselves and their capabilities….and live in the moment. They control their destiny and if Mother Nature doesn’t interfere with an avalanche or a rock breaking off, they face that fear and are exhilarated when they reach the summit.

Why is it that I feel like a deflated balloon when I conquer a fear? Why can’t I look at the end goal and go for it with confidence?

Avoiding it won’t get me anywhere so I’m off to the veterinarian for the special animal diets to keep our cats healthy. Will I be anxious? Probably….even though it is a 5-minute drive from our house…..so I’ll go when the traffic isn’t so heavy. I will feel anxious every moment and be thankful when I return to my little isolated world.

I have plans for a 15-minute drive for tomorrow to do a little shopping where Sensible Girlfriend works.

Dammit, I will climb that mountain.

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
This entry was posted in Anxeity and Depression, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Anxiety in the Moment

  1. aviets says:

    I was thinking of that drive for you when you mentioned erarlier that you’d gotten you r scans back cancer free. I’m glad to hear you got through it okay. It’s a double victory!

  2. joey says:

    I understand. I tried to ruin my day all by myself this morning, thinking about what I need to accomplish before I leave the house today. I realized I was thinking way too far ahead and that I had to stop. I was in the car driving home at 8am, but my brain was already on tomorrow’s plans. :/ Stop it, brain.
    I will say that driving more has helped me overcome anxiety about driving. Also, not driving Moo to her last school in the morning. (Such a short, perilous trip!) I’m glad she goes to other school now, saves me a lot of grief. Still hate driving in the rain and at night, not looking forward to winter’s early sunsets…
    Anyway, I had just thought about this yesterday — I was driving on the clock, acting as a sort of courier, and I realized, I drive A LOT more now and I am much, much better with it. Sometimes I wonder if there’s a connection between housewifery (especially with kids) and anxiety. Something about being ‘tied down’ to the household… Just a random thought.

  3. I think, that you are climbing many mountains and win very often April 🙂

  4. mewhoami says:

    I must agree with Joey. I’ve met a lot of stay-at-home moms who get anxiety when they drive. I think it’s in part because it’s not something that they do a lot of or if they do it’s normally only for short distances. I’m different in this respect. After working from home for the past 9+ years, I still love to drive! Whether it be from my home to the store or across the country, I’m always ready to jump in the car and take off. But, that could be from taking so many road trips as a kid. It’s just a part of my chemical makeup now. I also agree with Irene. You are conquering all sorts of mountains now.

    • April says:

      That makes sense and I’m glad to know I’m not alone. My trips are usually short ones but my doctor appointments are much farther through a lot of traffic congestion. I just have to remind myself that I’ve had successful trips before, I will have more successful trips.

  5. Yes you will climb that mountain April, and you WILL conquer it too.. And to make you feel better, anxiety I also feel behind the wheel..
    I was fine always driving too and from work every day in my own car.. My hubby always had a large Transit Van, but when he retired he treated himself to a 4X4.. which to me was huge, so I never drove it.. But since retiring myself I hardly drove anywhere, so we pooled both cars in and got another 4×4..
    I made myself get into that one and learn to get used to it.. Anxious.. Yes you bet, sweating, worrying just like you about traffic.. But practice makes perfect as they say and now I am getting used to it and I drove a 40 min drive at the weekend and finally relaxed.. 🙂
    You are doing So so well.. keep climbing that mountain one sure step at a time.. xxx

  6. Climbing and driving and living comes with a certain amount of anxiety April. 🙂 So you are just somewhere on that curve. And managing quite nicely!

  7. reocochran says:

    The traffic in cities and inclement weather is really crazy for me, too. April, sorry to hear of this extra later if anxiety. xo
    Hopefully, after October cataract surgery my night vision may improve. I have mentioned before my narrow eye glaucoma laser surgery was only 3 years ago. This is what causes me nervous, as I hear of people who quit blogging due to vision. Giving up the freedom to drive is a big fear of mine. Climb every mountain is a favorite song of mine from “Sound if Music.” 🙂

    • April says:

      I hope your surgery helps with your night sight. My number one fear is night driving in the rain. I suppose if my ability to transport myself anywhere, I would overcome my fear and do what I needed to do in order to see and not be so anxious.

      • reocochran says:

        Thank you April for your kind wish about my surgery and night driving. I think we both should be relieved we don’t have children in this unusual sport and hobby of ice climbing! 🙂 It struck me as also good to know you have been living more in the moment. This may help me, too. Thank you! ❤

  8. reocochran says:

    Layer of anxiety not what transpired. Oops. Hugs! ❤

  9. Gallivanta says:

    I tried to comment on an earlier post but couldn’t find a comment box….not sure why, but anyway you mentioned a weight loss of 13lbs! That’s a great mountain you’ve climbed.
    .As for driving; I don’t mind driving here but I would probably be terrified to drive anywhere in the US.

    • April says:

      We are eating healthier, now I have to make myself exercise. I didn’t have a problem until moving across the States. I suppose that would be normal but I’ve made a big deal out if it in my mind.

  10. Oh girl. It breaks my heart to read this because this is me. I am just now coming out of the deep out of driving anxiety. There was a time when I could barely make it to work, and then after having the kids I stopped driving on the highway all together. So debilitating. But I am making progress, and you will too. Check out my blog #reroutinglife
    would love to support each other in this journey! We can do it!!!

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