I read something along the line….if you are anxious, you are thinking about the future….live in the moment. So, I’ve been practicing living in the moment, even the sucky ones. I feel the moment and let it pass. If I learn something from it that will help me in the future, then that was a great moment. I breathe in all the great moments.
As a retired taxi driver for my kids, I have developed a bit of a phobia/anxiety over driving. Well, I think I have always had anxiety over driving. Having the lives of little people in my hands always created anxiety. I tried to hide it and I think I did pretty well. My kids think I simply don’t like driving.
Anyway, I had an appointment with one of my -ist doctors that is about a 40-minute drive from our house. A couple of days before, I felt the anxiety start to build. Was I going to make it to my appointment on time? What if I get lost? (which was silly because I know where I’m going) What if someone runs into me? I have to get on the freeway! What if someone won’t let me merge into the lane of traffic?
I reminded myself about the living in the moment exercise, and realized that when I’m driving I have no other choice than to live in the moment. There are cars here and there and a speed limit to follow. Every moment I am on the road is an anxious moment.
So, therein lies my problem. I have anxiety about driving so I avoid it as much as I can. I have done this to the point of isolating myself at home and not enjoying the moments spent there.
Exposure therapy is the answer given to me by my therapist and I don’t like it. Who likes putting themselves outside their comfort zone all the time?
I watched a documentary about a mountain/ice climber. I found it quite interesting since our daughter is dating a mountain/ice climber. Oh. My. Other than the blissful fact that I am not the mother or wife of a mountain/ice climber I found it quite interesting. They push themselves to conquer what is in front of them. It’s not that they have no fear, they just know themselves and their capabilities….and live in the moment. They control their destiny and if Mother Nature doesn’t interfere with an avalanche or a rock breaking off, they face that fear and are exhilarated when they reach the summit.
Why is it that I feel like a deflated balloon when I conquer a fear? Why can’t I look at the end goal and go for it with confidence?
Avoiding it won’t get me anywhere so I’m off to the veterinarian for the special animal diets to keep our cats healthy. Will I be anxious? Probably….even though it is a 5-minute drive from our house…..so I’ll go when the traffic isn’t so heavy. I will feel anxious every moment and be thankful when I return to my little isolated world.
I have plans for a 15-minute drive for tomorrow to do a little shopping where Sensible Girlfriend works.
Dammit, I will climb that mountain.