Life of Recovery and Remission

I began this blog six days after my surgery to have a nodule removed with a segment of my left lung. It was cancerous. All the doctors said how lucky I was to have caught it early, however I’ve written about this over the years.

I began by writing about one thing I found beautiful, or was thankful for, to remind myself that in spite of despair, pain, depression, anxiety….there can be one little thing in the midst of it all, that can bring a tiny light.

My 5-year of no new evidence of disease anniversary passed on May 31, but the doctor thought I could go longer for my next CT scan. The scan is this week, results next week.

One thing I have learned through blogging about my experiences, whether anyone read it or not, was who I am. What goes on in my head and how I heal myself. How to be a bit more kind to myself.

Unfortunately, I also learned that I have a type of depression which my wonky doctor hasn’t quite named but it doesn’t really matter. I have ups and downs. The ups aren’t crazy uncontrolled mania, but rather I feel better and more energetic. My downs aren’t fun. Seriously, I can’t imagine anyone thinking a depressive episode as fun. The really scary part is coming out of depression.

For me, I feel wobbly. As if I’m learning how to trust myself and to avoid the anxiety of dipping below my normal again. Like I have to tread lightly. I fear most anything that places me outside my comfort zone.

Scanxiety usually places me into anxiety overdrive and I’m trying hard to keep it at bay because I just went through either a depressive episode, or a brain adjustment to the decrease of one of my medications. Either way, I’m fragile but optimistic. On top of that, I have survived every setback so far, I will make it through whatever comes next.

What did I find beautiful this morning? The sparkle of our little cat’s whiskers when the sun came through the window. A window I actually cleaned recently. 😀





About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
This entry was posted in Anxeity and Depression, Depression and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Life of Recovery and Remission

  1. Good luck with your scanning April. Nice to read that you are feeling better. Depression is never fun, but possible to go through.

  2. aviets says:

    Really hoping these next couple of weeks just fly by…

  3. CAROL GARNER says:

    Love you April. xoxoxo

  4. mewhoami says:

    It’s wonderful that you have learned so much about yourself through blogging and that now you have something to look back on to help you see exactly just how much you’ve learned and grown since day one. That is one thing that I appreciate about blogging too. It really can be an eye opener for us and it is certainly a great place to face our feelings, thoughts and fears. I do wish you the best for your upcoming scan and firmly believe that the results will hold great news.

  5. meANXIETYme says:

    I’m holding out great hope that the scan is fine and dandy. And I send you lots of positive vibes to get through the actual appointment. 🙂

  6. The cleaned window timed to perfection…just so you could ‘see’ that beauty in your life April 🙂

  7. Learning about one’s self has always been one of the biggest benefits of writing, in my opinion.

    Here’s to healthy scanning and a bountiness abundance of smiles. 🙂

  8. suzjones says:

    You commitment to finding beauty each day inspired me April. So thank you. 🙂

  9. joey says:

    Really hoping the scan is clear. Really wishing you happier, healthier days. That moment of beauty is a good one. 🙂

  10. Glynis Jolly says:

    Hmm… Did you doctor rule out Bipolar depression? From what I have read, which isn’t that much really, a person can have the down side of Bipolar and not have the manic. Just asking.

    • April says:

      He mentioned it as well as major depressive disorder. I don’t really care, just want it treated so that I can live a healthy life.

  11. Life is a constant layering on our canvas, creating ever changing images that make up the masterpiece of everyone. Your blog reflects that. May your next scan come back as clean as the last.

  12. reocochran says:

    I like that you started writing your blog, right after surgery, like it was the impetus for your blog. My blog started with my feelings getting hurt by a man in my dating escapades. I mentioned his fishing hook caught me for awhile and we were happy four years ago, then he went back to an ex-girlfriend. This was when I said the fishing hook had pricked me.
    I was corny and a newbie. Ha ha!
    Blogging helps my brain from turning to mush at a meaningless job, April. 🙂 It has brought me so many friends, in a rather quiet apt at the end of busy day. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. ❤ It is helping me, as you know, to build a better relationship with my new guy friend. 🙂

  13. smilecalm says:

    may ease & beauty be
    wherever you are 🙂

  14. reocochran says:

    Sorry about your wobbly days, April.
    Wow, cleaning windows and finding sunshine despite challenges and fears. The cat’s whiskers are precious indeed. 🙂

  15. WomanIsWellbeing says:

    This is the first post of yours that I’ve read. It’s refreshing and insightful to hear your learnings and how you’ve empowered yourself to keep your head up. Thank you for a lovely read x

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