Coloring Within the Lines

Well, I made it. Grieving the loss of our family pet while decreasing a couple of medications.

I’m still standing, and doing it very well. I believe I will have the strength to look inside myself when things seem to go a little wonky. I’m smart enough to know that I’m not perfect and that my mental status can be precarious so I have to be vigilant. I have to eat right and exercise my body as well as my mind. I need to reach out to those who are on my team, and most of all, rest when I need to.

I would like to say I’ve been busy, but mostly I’ve been “adult coloring”. Yes, I find it almost as relaxing as knitting. I have found that I color with whatever pencil I pick out of the pile of leftover colored pencils my kids brought home from school at the end of each year. I have some fancy colored pencils, but the Crayolas work just as well for me. I’ve even made mistakes that would drive me crazy but this exercise has kept me focused on what really matters. If I start in a pattern and stray off, my first instinct is to berate myself. Just as in life…..does it really matter? Will it matter in the big picture?

Crap. I’ve lived my life coloring outside the lines and berating myself for doing so. Now I can see which parts have made me who I am today. Some past shenanigans are not worthy of revisiting because I have learned what I needed and then let I them go. Not that I’m perfect and negative thoughts don’t sneak up on me but I’m onto them. I can choose to let the negative thoughts take over my mind, or I can move along to another topic. It gets easier and easier to work on blocking negative thinking.

Through all this, some of the things I’ve found made me smile:

  • We’re finally working on reinforcing the deck. I’m going to get my sanctuary back. It’s been slow going because it has been h-o-t here.
  • Couldn’t find one of my cats and later found that I shut him in the pantry.
  • The pain I was feeling in my mouth was a fractured tooth. The dentist pulled it. While I’m not completely pain free, I can feel it diminishing so that I can smile…all snaggly toothed. Naw, just kidding. The tooth is a chomper and nobody can see it. Soon I will get an implant. The big thing is that the pain is going away.
  • color

I hope you find something to make you smile today.

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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17 Responses to Coloring Within the Lines

  1. Your post made me smile ☺

  2. aviets says:

    So nice to see a post from you today!

  3. Bradley says:

    Glad you’re still standing.

    You made me think about coloring when I was a kid. In kindergarten my teacher called my mom because she was concerned that I colored an apple purple. My mom’s priceless response was, “Have you considered Brad may just like purple.”

    I look back on that and laugh sometimes. Make me feel like the rebel I’d like to be.

    Great post

  4. meANXIETYme says:

    Good to hear from you. Glad you’re enjoying the coloring. My therapist has adult coloring books in her waiting room, but I’ve not done much more than a few swipes here or there.

  5. This made me smile April…you are beginning to create, instead of react to life…well done, not an easy journey 🙂

  6. I’m sorry for your loss.

    I’m smiling because of you and your smiles. 🙂

  7. joey says:

    I enjoy the coloring, too. I must say, Moo and I colored many nights in the winter, but we don’t seem to do it while it’s warm…hmm. For the record, we also use only crayons.
    I’m glad things are okay, after furry companion loss, after decreasing meds, after extraction. I hope your deck will be done soon enough to enjoy some cooler days on it 🙂

  8. Glynis Jolly says:

    I seem to always be closing doors on my three cats. Marble is the most curious of the three so often I’m having to go searching in closets and, yes, the pantry.

    Figuring out it’s okay to color outside the lines is one of those things that hits most people sometime in their 50s. It hit me when I was 54. All of a sudden I felt okay being different from others. A glorious feeling. 😉

  9. mewhoami says:

    I love the comparison you made here between how we color and how we live. I tend to get distracted and color outside of the lines. Reading this, I realize that I live the same way. It’s hard for me to stay within the lines on paper and in life. It’s partially because I get distracted easily, but also because I have a bit of rebellion lurking inside of me. 🙂 Glad to hear you got your tooth pulled. It’s not fun, but the gradual pain relief is worth it.

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