I’m doing very well tapering off some of my meds. However, I have to learn who I am again. I’ve always been here, but I’ve been hiding behind a fog of side effects. There is a person with a sense of humor just waiting to burst out. I see that person now and again, but I want to see more of her.
Surely these feelings are temporary, but I’m lacking confidence. I know I can do…well, just about anything I want to try. I may not become an expert, but at least I try what my little heart desires. So where did my confidence go?
I can say that I’ve ironed enough of my husband’s work shirts that I’m a semi-pro. For some reason, I’m doubting my ability to get every wrinkle out of his shirts. That’s impossible and I know it (at least it is for me). So really, why is it bothering me that I can’t seem to iron a stinkin’ shirt without ironing in a wrinkle or burning myself?
Ironing is not the focus of this post. I just wanted to record how my mind is changing while trying to adjust to a little less of the handful of medications I’ve been taking for…oh, how long has it been?
One of those pills has taken away my chutzpah and I want it back.
The one benefit of tapering off is that I feel I can be more focused on the exact thoughts that meander through my mind. The crap I tell myself–one of which must be that I can’t do anything with any competence. I’m changing those thoughts though. Yes I can do what I want, and the only person stopping me, is me.
I am just a person who has depression from time to time–sometimes cycling quicker than I expect but it isn’t who I am, it’s just my challenge to observe and let it go—celebrating when I feel free.
Last week we lost a massive part of our family, my most favorite dog ever. It was hard for us and it still seems strange in the absence with all her noises. She will be greatly missed.
However, I found the following beautiful recently:
- I finally found some sheets to fit our bed that won’t slip off
- I lost 9 pounds
- we got a new car for me to drive – a Mini Cooper. I love it!
- Babysitting the grand puppy for a weekend
- Deciding and compromising on the color of our bedroom and bath–it will be the same color – boring but it is what we could both agree on
- Football season is getting closer!
Hope you find some beauty in your day!