This post is mainly to commiserate with my fellow sufferers who ride the medication rollercoaster and live amongst the normals.
Once again, I’m tapering off a medication. One I don’t think I need and Dr. Pills-a-Lot has finally agreed to try and cut back. I mean, how many different antidepressants can one take to help with depression before the doctor figures out that the current combination no longer works. Does he not listen to my whining?
How do I know? Because I think I know my body and how it reacts to certain drugs. I’m feeling the way I do when I’ve been on Prozac too long. A flat, semi-emotionless, machine. I’m already on another antidepressant so why not try and let the Prozac go and see how I do. Besides, if he would read his little pill journal, he would see that some of the combinations I take are not good together. That mood stabilizer he has me on, has some major interactions with certain other drugs. He should know that.
Anyway, I have a signal for my dear husband, who means well, but still doesn’t totally get depression. He doesn’t get how my brain will have to adjust by slowly tapering it off of a drug it has depended on for years. So I explained it to him in detail that while tapering off, if done properly, I should only feel my mind adjusting to the change. To me, that translates into some not so great days. Not that I’m over the edge with craziness, but just that I would like to be left alone and conversations are something I would not like to partake in.
Today was one of those days. I let him know when I talked with him at his lunchtime that today was one of my off days…..just so that he was warned before he got home.
So….guess what question he asked me while on his way home? “Are you feeling any better?” Well, as in my best interpretation of the southern way, bless his little heart, does he not get it yet or is he not listening to me?
I did not answer him, but if I did it would have been an emoji Or give a huge eye roll, which was what I did since we were talking over the phone.
All I require is a little space to let my mind adjust. Perhaps, one day, I shall regain some of the good stuff that medication suppresses while staying on medication which will help.