A Little Mental Humor

This post is mainly to commiserate with my fellow sufferers who ride the medication rollercoaster and live amongst the normals.

Once again, I’m tapering off a medication. One I don’t think I need and Dr. Pills-a-Lot has finally agreed to try and cut back. I mean, how many different antidepressants can one take to help with depression before the doctor figures out that the current combination no longer works. Does he not listen to my whining?

How do I know? Because I think I know my body and how it reacts to certain drugs. I’m feeling the way I do when I’ve been on Prozac too long. A flat, semi-emotionless, machine. I’m already on another antidepressant so why not try and let the Prozac go and see how I do. Besides, if he would read his little pill journal, he would see that some of the combinations I take are not good together. That mood stabilizer he has me on, has some major interactions with certain other drugs. He should know that.

Anyway, I have a signal for my dear husband, who means well, but still doesn’t totally get depression. He doesn’t get how my brain will have to adjust by slowly tapering it off of a drug it has depended on for years. So I explained it to him in detail that while tapering off, if done properly, I should only feel my mind adjusting to the change. To me, that translates into some not so great days. Not that I’m over the edge with craziness, but just that I would like to be left alone and conversations are something I would not like to partake in.

Today was one of those days. I let him know when I talked with him at his lunchtime that today was one of my off days…..just so that he was warned before he got home.

So….guess what question he asked me while on his way home? “Are you feeling any better?” Well, as in my best interpretation of the southern way, bless his little heart, does he not get it yet or is he not listening to me?

I did not answer him, but if I did it would have been an emoji :/ Or give a huge eye roll, which was what I did since we were talking over the phone.

All I require is a little space to let my mind adjust. Perhaps, one day, I shall regain some of the good stuff that medication suppresses while staying on medication which will help.

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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26 Responses to A Little Mental Humor

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    They (“normies”) don’t get it. They just don’t. It stinks, but truthfully, it’s better that they don’t. Because the only way they would get it is if they had to suffer through the things we suffer through. And that’s not something I would want.
    Still, it can be so discouraging and disappointing when this happens. I’m sorry it happened to you because sometimes we just need that space. And it IS something we should be able to get.

    • April says:

      You’re right. I wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone. In that sense, I’m glad he doesn’t understand. Even though I tell him all the time that I can’t just go take a nap and I will wake up not feeling the effects of tapering off a medication.

      • meANXIETYme says:

        I forget that if they don’t live it, they won’t get it. It’s hard to remember that, especially when we’re in the thick of it. Saying it to you was a good reminder to me, too.

  2. Not an easy journey April. It is bad enough balancing our bodies normally without the medication to wobble it further.
    And you do make a very salient point, the doctors tend to just shovel the pills and not ‘listen’ to what we ‘know’ own bodies have to say. Very quick to take your money at the door and then push you out before you’ve had a chance to express what needs to be said.
    But besides that, sending love and light that you may adjust more gently and see some more sunlight days 🙂

    • April says:

      I’m okay, really. We have an old dog (a mastiff) who is really having a tough time getting around. I worry about taking care of her in her “golden years”. The worry kind of gets in the way of taking care of myself. My bad days I have these days don’t even compare my bad days from years past….that’s a positive 🙂

      • Maybe there is a blessing within the journey, I can tell you’ve come closer to yourself and that love within.
        Not an easy path to follow, but your empathy shows…and a silver lining flashing occasionally in remembrance of those darker days must give you cause for hope.
        Love and light to you April, may the strength of the love you have created, be there for all in your care…beasts, husbands…and of course, the purpose of this journey…you 🙂

      • Cathy Bohlae says:

        Yes to the positive!

  3. aviets says:

    Oh, that’s so hard. I know I’ve been guilty of asking that question. I’m sorry.

    • April says:

      I just wanted to warn him that there is nothing really wrong but I may act as if there is because I’m working through things in my mind. I also warned my son and his girlfriend. It’s not like I’m all Eeyore, all day, I’m just a little more quiet. I guess I could call it reflective.

  4. It’s hard to know what to say or do. THank you for letting us know. This is truly helpful. THough I’m sorry you have to go through it.

    • April says:

      Just being there is enough. Respecting that it isn’t a form of anger toward someone, it’s just reflection in this matter.

  5. I’ve been on both sides of this one. I’ve been the one feeling this way and telling those I love that it’s just a temporary thing and that I just need some time and understanding and I have been the one being told that by another. The suckiest part is that even when you do actually know what it’s like to have those off days and bad days and days where you can’t connect to your feelings even though you know you have them it can still be a challenge not to let those little demons of insecurity whisper at you when the person you love seems distant. Stupid fear, the destroyer of all good things.

  6. Glynis Jolly says:

    LOL, sorry April, but he acted just the way I would expect my husband to act. Does he think he’s all cerebral like my husband thinks he is? Mine need visual aids for conversations like the one you described. Of course, because he’s had a few more psych. courses in college than I did, he assumes he knows more about this vast subject. Since college, he hasn’t read anything on the topic though. Who knows more? O_o

    • April says:

      Those of us who have experienced it knows a little bit more. It would be easier if I had something to compare it for him.

  7. Bradley says:

    I’m fortunate that I have a husband who does get it. One thing that helped us was to go to marriage counseling together at the request of my pdoc. There’s been nothing wrong with our relationship, but it helped him tremendously to understand what I’m going through and helped me understand the stress on him as a “caregiver.” I’d highly recommend it.

    • April says:

      Good advice. Maybe that is the next step for me to accept this is my life and he will understand a little more. I’m not saying he is totally oblivious, but he does slip every now and then and asks me those silly questions.

  8. mewhoami says:

    It’s very difficult for the average person to understand the mind of someone suffering with depression or any mental illness for that matter. They don’t understand how you can’t “just get over it” and how it takes times for the mood to pass. I firmly believe however, that your husband does listen to you. It’s just that without going through it himself, he can’t fully understand. He loves and cares for you. That’s without question.

  9. I think April unless you have suffered depression the so called ‘normals’ will never understand how it feels to be a sufferer..
    I am pleased you are following your own body signals April It is hard to travel the journey you are on my friend.. And I wish you well with your medication alterations..
    Sending Love
    Sue ❤

  10. reocochran says:

    We normals mean well, though! Hugs, and I do “get” the need for quiet, in a whole other way. I have had to work 11 hour days for a few weeks and this means, I want the lights off, television on a Hallmark or happy show and then, just the simplest of meals, scrambled eggs with a side of quiet! 🙂

    • April says:

      Way before kids, I used to work long days. Some weeks going by without a day off. I was younger so it was easier to deal with. Then I became a mother, and well, you know a mother never gets time off.

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