The Flicker of Life

One of my favorite things to do is to sit around a backyard campfire. When it’s too hot for a campfire, we like to sit on the deck with candles burning and mosquito coils smoking in hopes of avoiding mosquito bites…….and we talk.

I’ve been with this husband of mine nearly 31 years and my illness has put him through a lot. Many tests to his patience and love; riding a monster roller coaster, otherwise known as my life.

One night this last weekend we had a deck campfire. We talked about how we were going to go about fixing the deck which led to a discussion of other huge tasks that need to be completed. I told him I was working on all my hoard of yarn and craft supplies, along with any other collections of crap I have. I’m thinning out. (Well, I’ve been doing it for a while and it’s taking forever–I’ve decided it’s just because they’re boring tasks)

We laughed at how people always guess that we are over 10 years younger than we are. We talked of living until we are in our 90s. We have more than a few goals and dreams to fulfill and I’m always worried about my cancer returning. It’s part of who I am now. Cancer survivor. Maybe it will never rear its ugly head again, but maybe it will….who knows.

I remember the first time I realized how much I loved the man I married. I remember his exact words at that moment of recognition. Thirty or so years later, one sentence reminded me why I still love him.

He shows me the person he sees when he looks into my eyes. The one who doesn’t beat herself up, laughs at silly jokes, tells silly jokes, snorts when laughing, dances around the kitchen table after a great football play. The one who talks in different voices to each cat, is always there to help another person no matter what the mood de jour may be. The person who is worthy of love and made of more silly and light, than darkness and despair.

Yes, I saw it in his eyes, in the candlelight, while sitting on the deck.

As time goes on, I believe what I see in his eyes as well.


About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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20 Responses to The Flicker of Life

  1. bmagpub says:

    A beautiful little story. Brought a smile to my face, and almost a tear to my eye. (As I sit looking at my beautiful wife of nearly 31 years)

  2. meANXIETYme says:

    Beautifully written, April. I really enjoyed reading this and can feel the love and sweetness between the two of you.
    And I hope you will always be able to see in his eyes how special and how loved you really are!

  3. Bradley says:

    I love this. I read so many stories of people who don’t have an understanding spouse that it’s refreshing to read yours. It’s great when you’ve found “the one” isn’t it?

    • April says:

      Yes it is nice. I think I’m pretty lucky my husband is even tempered. I’ve acted and reacted in ways most would have walked away from. He still stands with me and for that, I’m grateful.

  4. joey says:

    Loverly. ❤

  5. This is a good life April. What a wonderful post about a wonderful love. ❤

  6. Glynis Jolly says:

    Oohhh, how beautiful, April. I envy you, you know. ❤

    • April says:

      Part of it was seeing what I bring to the marriage. I think I don’t bring anything until I look to see what my husband sees.

  7. suzjones says:

    April, that is just beautiful. I had a similar moment last week only it was by text messages between us. I screen shotted it so that I could look at it and fall in love all over again when I need to.

  8. reocochran says:

    You got a good one, April and he got an equally good one! Big smiles and so happy for your 31 years of handling life as a team who love each other. ❤ ❤

  9. ittymac says:

    So lovely. Sharing love is the best superpower!

  10. A loving spouse is a wonderful blessing.

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