One of my favorite things to do is to sit around a backyard campfire. When it’s too hot for a campfire, we like to sit on the deck with candles burning and mosquito coils smoking in hopes of avoiding mosquito bites…….and we talk.
I’ve been with this husband of mine nearly 31 years and my illness has put him through a lot. Many tests to his patience and love; riding a monster roller coaster, otherwise known as my life.
One night this last weekend we had a deck campfire. We talked about how we were going to go about fixing the deck which led to a discussion of other huge tasks that need to be completed. I told him I was working on all my hoard of yarn and craft supplies, along with any other collections of crap I have. I’m thinning out. (Well, I’ve been doing it for a while and it’s taking forever–I’ve decided it’s just because they’re boring tasks)
We laughed at how people always guess that we are over 10 years younger than we are. We talked of living until we are in our 90s. We have more than a few goals and dreams to fulfill and I’m always worried about my cancer returning. It’s part of who I am now. Cancer survivor. Maybe it will never rear its ugly head again, but maybe it will….who knows.
I remember the first time I realized how much I loved the man I married. I remember his exact words at that moment of recognition. Thirty or so years later, one sentence reminded me why I still love him.
He shows me the person he sees when he looks into my eyes. The one who doesn’t beat herself up, laughs at silly jokes, tells silly jokes, snorts when laughing, dances around the kitchen table after a great football play. The one who talks in different voices to each cat, is always there to help another person no matter what the mood de jour may be. The person who is worthy of love and made of more silly and light, than darkness and despair.
Yes, I saw it in his eyes, in the candlelight, while sitting on the deck.
As time goes on, I believe what I see in his eyes as well.