When I was diagnosed with cancer, I had to know everything. Had I known at the time they could have done genomic testing of my cancer, I would have pushed for that. Who knows, maybe they did do that…or experimented with my little sample. I hope they did, so that it can help others someday.
I have also searched for a diagnosis for my mind disorder. Am I an over anxious drama queen? A sad sack depressive? Bipolar II, Major Depressive, ADD, OCD….or any other acronym out there?
Then I decided it didn’t matter what my doctors had written in my chart — except “overweight”, which I’m focusing on.
The only thing left for me, was to describe to my husband what it feels like to be me. When I’m obviously in a down period, he asks me daily, how I am. It’s as if he expects me to wake up each morning feeling good. Well, I can wake up feeling good and then somewhere throughout the day something triggers a depression. The depression can last a short time or months. Unfortunately, the good times are short lived.
Because I feel the need to explain my moods, I approached it from a visual angle for my husband to understand. Perhaps this may help others.
Due to my medications, I travel a fairly level line. The line that is my normal. Sometimes I go a bit above that line and have lots of energy and make tons of plans. Sometimes I slip below that line and getting out of bed is an effort, and I don’t follow through on all those plans I made. In fact, I’m almost afraid of going above the line because I know a crash will follow. Without medication, extreme determination, and therapy I would be one hot mess.
Actually, I was a mess and I’m still picking up pieces but I’m much further down the road than I was three years ago.
The most important thing I’ve learned is that my normal may not be the next person’s normal. We are all unique (okay, duh). I don’t have to expect to be anything other than who I am at any given moment. If it’s a down day/week/month, I keep telling myself I will persevere, and that it’s only temporary. I get sick of playing that through my mind and expecting an immediate change…so I’m changing my thinking and quit expecting immediate mood changes. I’m being patient with myself—finally.
I think this helped my husband to understand. I am a bit tired of when he asks me “how are you feeling today?” If asked one more time, I will go nuts!