Back Away From The Google

Guess what I found myself doing yesterday? Googling cancer statistics. Why? Was I trying to make my mind dip into a depression since I’m feeling good? Oh what a tangled web I weave.

I usually check the National Cancer Society’s or the National Institute of Health’s sites and that’s about it. I look around for published papers but they are far out of date.

You know what? The most current information I could find was a paper written in 2007. I already read that information in 2011 when I was diagnosed with lung cancer.

In five days I reach the anniversary of the surgery to remove a bit of cancerous material from my lung.

My fifth anniversary!

But what happens now. Doctors can’t say I’m cured because they can’t see into the future. Research papers and studies have not had the chance to continue long enough for results. I suppose it depends upon when actual lung cancer research began. I won’t preach again but lung cancer research isn’t well funded.

I knew the rate was 67% of all stage 1a lung adenocarcinomas would still be alive at the five year mark. I was one of the 67%.

What happens at the ten year mark? Do my chances of survival or recurrence increase or decrease? Each year that goes by do I say, “whew, another year down”? Is the survival rate at 10 years 62% or 72%? Do the chances for survival increase or decrease 1% for each year with no detectable disease. Or, do they increase or decrease by .01%.

But none of that type of thinking is good for me. Nobody really knows when they are going to die, and that includes me.

AND…..”whew, another year down”? What a skewed way of thinking.

These thoughts rambling around in my mind are just not right. I know I have to live each moment and be thankful I get up every morning…..and I am.

So, again, why do I have this part of self-destructive thoughts preventing me from moving forward. Just as eating healthy and exercising, why am I doing this to myself?

I know I will find my answers in my mind—probably in the middle of a sleepless night.

Today, I’m cancer free, and for that I’m thankful.

Just dumping negative thoughts today. 

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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13 Responses to Back Away From The Google

  1. butchcountry67 says:

    well first a huge {{{{{{HUG}}}}}} and congratulations on being 1 of the 67% , over the last year I have had a lot of time to think, and instead of dwelling on those that did not make it ( my wife) i started to focus on lung cancer survivors , such as yourself , I have no answers, I can’t tell you what will happen in 10 years , next year or even next week, but I can relay the message I kept receiving over and over again from survivors …. seize the day , live for today and don’t worry about tomorrow , keep a healthy lifestyle , and just live, live as best you can and make the most out of your second chance at life .

    hope that helps some

    wishing you peace , good health and much much happiness in life 🙂

    • April says:

      Thanks so much. I am striving to live with more purpose but sometimes it just gets a little scary.

      • butchcountry67 says:

        yes it sure would be scary , I can not say that I know what you’re going through, I have not faced cancer from your perspective , I have only done so as a husband and caregiver .

  2. Dumping negative is GOOD! 🙂

  3. Bradley says:

    I’m glad you are one of the 67%. You and your comments help brighten my day. And where in the world were your dumping? I didn’t find dumping anywhere in your post. Gratitude yes. Dumping no.

    • April says:

      I guess I meant that I was purging thoughts of fear that I will have a recurrence. Thank you for such kind comments!

  4. Glynis Jolly says:

    My views on these matters of life and death are so different from your, April. I could write a whole long comment here, but I think maybe a post of my own is in order. Life’s risks do give one pause, don’t they. We seem to be faced with adversity every single day. Yet we manage to laugh and enjoy those few moments that give us the light of hope and happiness.

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