Here I sit.
Tis grocery shopping day.
But today is different. We’re doing it. We’re going healthy.
No more ice cream, potato chips, fried anything (which I never fry anyway), no mac ‘n cheese, no more gravies.
Just the good stuff I can’t pronounce and have to Google to see what I’m supposed to find at the store. Ya gotta know what it looks like, you know what I mean?
Which means the perimeter of the store. Except for the cat litter and spice aisles. Oh, and toilet paper and laundry soap.
Can we do it? I want to say yes.
I’m going in for my annual tune up next month and I believe I’ve gained 20 pounds since my last visit. Crap! Did I just type 20 pounds?
Anyway, I know I’m going to receive “the lecture”, along with all the blood test results showing all the numbers that are too high or too low. I know what I have to do but I have little brain gaps that prevent me from doing what I know is right.
I have been working on this for five years. Actually, I have been striving for a healthy lifestyle a lot longer than five years, it’s the act of not doing it that has me perplexed. My therapist has given me tools to make goals for myself, but I swear…..all the candy in the store has, buy me now, written all over the bags.
I cram unhealthy things in my mouth, knowing I’m doing harm to my glucose levels, but I do it anyway.
I know to take baby steps but I sabotage every little step I plan. I’m tired of grunting my way through household chores and finding that my clothes don’t fit well anymore. I’m tired of putting it out in the blog world that I’m committed to walking every day and eating healthy—yet, that exposure doesn’t even make me follow through. By the way, I am no longer doing Weight Watchers.
Do I hate myself? No. Not anymore.
I’ve said it before, I live an oxymoron life. I want to be healthy and avoid cancer–or be ready for the next fight, but I do the complete opposite to keep myself healthy. I’ve been semi-successful understanding my emotions and recognizing my triggers, but not with the health of my body.