Are We Really Done When the Toothpick Comes Out Clean?

When I hit the bottom of the bottom and began ascending to life, I recognized all the stinky ways I treated people. I would be so involved with my own insecurities and  determination to hide them, I don’t think I really saw others around me.

Words spewed from my mouth without any filters. What I thought, is what came out my mouth, whether I intended to be offensive or not.

I still speak before I think but I believed I had changed my thinking about myself and others. I don’t think I have fully developed heart-felt compassion or empathy. At least not in a healthy way.

My sarcastic humor can be hurtful to others and I just didn’t think what I find amusing may be a bad joke, which can hurt someone reading it.

Which happened, today on that Facebook. I didn’t receive a bad comment from one of my friends, just a friendly reminder that some suffer in ways that are different than ours— that’s not funny.

She has given me pause.

I have fought very hard against a tsunami of grief, anxiety, self-loathing, and depression. I’m proud of my progress and proud of how I have learned the value of myself as well as my friendships.

But compassion?


I’m going to pause and think about this for a while.

Not to worry—those of you who are waiting with bated breath for my next house post, it’s coming.

I have some thoughts to mull over.

I want to be the best me I can be!



About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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15 Responses to Are We Really Done When the Toothpick Comes Out Clean?

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    We are all works in progress. As long as we are still working to progress, then there is always hope!

  2. You are so much in the right way April 😀

  3. Gallivanta says:

    I am enjoying your house series. I am feeling encouraged to do something similar…..if I can find the photos!!!! Humour can be a tricky one. Some things tickle the funny bone that shouldn’t…I am not sure if that is about lack of compassion or lack of empathy….

    • April says:

      Well, it’s over and I can’t change what I said or how she reacted. Life goes on but I need to take a second look at how I word things in the future.

  4. Sometimes we default to humor by habit, comfort, defense or deflective mechanisms….. and I like the first comment. We ARE a constant work in progress. None of us are ever ‘done’. 🙂

  5. Glynis Jolly says:

    It’s always good to improve on yourself, April. I need improvement too–in the worst way possible I assume. Still, please don’t lose yourself in all these changes. You’re a beautiful person with wit and charm. You have an upfront attitude towards issues that are important to you. You don’t back down and, instead, forge ahead. Within your posts you discuss your relationships with grace, showing how much you love your family and friends. Please don’t lose any of this along the way.

    • April says:

      What a nice thing to say, Glynis. I won’t lose myself, I’ve come too far to retreat and be someone I’m not.

  6. mewhoami says:

    Although I do believe that we should be careful about what we say and consider how it may impact others, unfortunately it has gotten to the point where practically anything we say will offend someone. The most innocent statement, joke or even facial expression is guaranteed to be taken wrong by someone somewhere. With all that said, yes I think we should be mindful of what we say, but we shouldn’t be afraid to still be ourselves and express our sense of humor. Life is too short to be serious all the time.

  7. Oh my goodness thank you for this post. It is so true. My mouth has many times written checks I could not cover. Once out there they are there forever. But as I get older I hope I am getting wiser.

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