Okay, I have to let something out. I’m refusing to feel like a failure but I’m a bit mad at my mind and why it’s the way it is.
It has been a while off the Abilify. I did some more studying and let’s just say that some of the other drugs I’m taking can have some adverse side effects if combined with Abilify. This scares me.
With it, I feel strong.
For about 4 weeks now, I have been putting on my best warrior mask and pretending I’m not depressed. But guess what? I can’t fight it any more. It’s there and despite every positive thought, and “it’s all in how you think about its”, I have to admit defeat and return to that fat-making pill. The anxiety even reared it’s ugly head with a vengence, I survived but it still didn’t make me feel any less anxious about it happening again. That old fear of the fear started creeping up on me.
By the way, I didn’t lose any weight so apparently it has something to do with my crappy diet and lack of exercise. 😀 Who knew?
My last post felt so odd when I was typing it. I felt like a person writing about what another person witnessed. Does that make sense? The writing didn’t have much of my personality in it. A couple of drafts later, I recognized I needed to stop and wait for the medication to kick in. To wait and see if my personality can be salvaged.
I’m still waiting.
I’m still trying to catch up on blog reading.
I’m still trying.
That’s what counts.
(I hate when that stinkin’ doctor knows better than I do)