Learning to be me

Trying to fight against a negative self is new to me.

“It’s all in how I think about it”

I have been repeating that in my mind for months but I think it’s also the way I act, as well. Do I bring myself down? What is my motivation?

Does the fact that I simply don’t feel like talking or doing anything mean I’m slipping back to depression? No….I feel good, just reflecting, and it seems to be taking a long time to move through my thoughts and just be who I am.

However, who is that me I’m looking for?

*just a bit of rambling to record my thoughts. Patience.



About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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21 Responses to Learning to be me

  1. Good you are feeling good about being you.. You are working your way through it one step at a time.. Love your way April xxx

  2. aviets says:

    Oh, April, I’m doing some of that very same rambling. I’m glad you’re in a good place with all that reflection. I honestly don’t know where I am. I feel like I’m suddenly recognizing a lifetime of serious crap that I’ve simply stuffed down and ignored for all those years. I’m wanting to stand up and roar and make up for so many years of silence. But I’m SOOO not good at that…

    • April says:

      I wonder if some people go down that path, know they are slipping, but just don’t have the energy to do anything about it. My husband and I usually have a code–I finally got him to quit saying “what’s your problem”. He reminds me when I seem out of sorts so that I know I have to pay attention to what may be triggering to me. Hang in there, it’s not easy loving a person with depression/anxiety.

      • aviets says:

        Gosh, if the “being married to a depressed person” were the only issue I was stuggling with…although much of my angst stems from it in some way. I’m also dealing with serious doubts about my job, total confusion about my future, and anger over the direction of our nation. It’s all just too much right now. Oh, and hormones. Never forget the hormones.

        • April says:

          You do have a full plate and I bet you feel like you’re about to pop your top. Take them one step at a time…what do you have control of…change it?

          • aviets says:

            That’s a really good suggestion – I hadn’t thought of it that way. There’s not a lot I can control, except for my attitude and deliberately eating better and exercise more. Probably those three things would make a big difference.

            • April says:

              I wish I had the exercise and eating healthy under control, but one thing at a time–I chose to change my attitude first. 🙂

              • aviets says:

                It occurs to me that one other thing I might be able to control is using my voice to fight for some of the progressive causes that mean so much to me. Still trying to work out what that looks like.

                • April says:

                  That’s the one thing that frustrates me the most. It’s hard when you feel like you’re the only voice that can’t be heard.

  3. Bradley says:

    Giving yourself time to relax and reflect is excellent, however, you may find who is that you will come to you when you least expect it.

  4. Cathy Bohlae says:

    You can do it! Loved seeing you……

  5. Glynis Jolly says:

    I have negative thoughts about myself several times a day. Why didn’t I put that towel in the hamper when I was right there? I haven’t left myself enough time to make a dessert. I need to stop procrastinating about washing the windows; they’re disgusting. The older I get, the uglier I get. And the list goes on. These are flaws in my character, no doubt about that. Yet basically, I like myself. These negative thoughts spitting out of me daily are just a way to get rid of them so my brain doesn’t become a gooey mess of the unfavorable. Is this what you’re doing?

    • April says:

      Not really, I’m telling myself that I’m a failure and not worthy of friendship or love because of all sorts of things I did or said. It’s bad and I know it, it’s just learning how to think differently about myself.

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