As you can tell, I made it to my appointment and back. Some little punk scared the crap out of me by cutting in front of my car so that I had to slam on my brakes. Luckily the car behind me knew how to keep the proper travelling distance between cars. But that’s not what gives me anxiety. The anxiety is getting to an appointment on time–which I did, but had to wait on the doctor. If I were asked by my therapist if I had been late before, I would say, yes. Did my world fall apart? No. It was kind of fun to screw up the doctor’s schedule instead of mine for a change.
There are some bad habits I’ve picked up over the years, and the worst one is negative mind-talk. Hours before I left I couldn’t believe how stupid I felt having such fear. What’s odd to me is that anxiety is one thing I thought I had a little better control of. I need some more work. Maybe a little exposure therapy by taking that drive in steps until I can make it there and back without the exhaustion and negativity that anxiety does to me.
Today is a good day. I have a photography club meeting coming up tonight and whether or not I try to talk myself out of going, I’m simply going to keep busy until it’s time to haul my ass there. Isolating myself is a little mound of crap I have to climb over as well.
I am determined.