Extended period apparently means one week to me–or was it less than a week? I do have some trips coming up, one place with no internet and the other place….well let’s just see.
As my snotty-nosed-cat was doing her daily teetering on my leg, I thought I had better write about how I’m feeling so that I can note where my mind is at this moment in time. I don’t want to teeter and I’m feeling strong.
I have written about reducing my medications, and slowly, I’m working on it.
Finally, I have reached the part of my mind that understands that I went through a lot in a short period of time, only to be topped off with physical health problems.
Look how much I’ve survived. Yes! I did it and I know I will survive whatever comes next, because I understand that’s how life rolls. Little birds and butterflies don’t constantly flit about me, undoubtedly a black cloud will roll in from time to time.
Am I feeling strong because of the medications? Has my therapist and all her wisdom helped me to see that I am a determined, strong person?
I’m thinking the latter is what has helped me the most.
So……I’m going to continue to cut back on the pills (with my pill pusher’s guidance) to find what will work with the least amount of medication. Nothing would be my real goal but maybe, for me, that won’t be possible.
Logically, I know that I can relapse. Do I have the tools to work myself through the dark times? I want to believe I can.
While I believe medication has saved my life, I don’t want to depend on it—who does? I understand that I have an illness that may require medication, such as a diabetic, or my asthma medication, but I don’t think I need to take such a huge cocktail of drugs.
I’m fully aware that people clinically diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder think they know everything after drug therapy. They believe they don’t need the medication, quit taking it, and end up right back in the darkness.
So, maybe at this moment in time I’m dreaming, but I have tools to get me through the rough spots. After all, I’m April–Rebel Warrior! I can’t quit on myself.
Okay, I’ve rambled, but this is mainly to return and read when I think I still know it all and have to return to medications I don’t want to take. The question I’m asking myself is, do I feel strong because I’ve found a way to find peace of mind, or is it the medication talking? The next question—how many times do I have to type medication to get my point across?