Don’t Take My Word For It

As a younger version of my loathing self, I always had an opinion. One which I expected everyone to understand and I dismissed them should they disagree with me.

Sound like a fun person to be around?

I have a suspicion the answer is no.

Writing about my experiences becomes difficult when I share the methods I use in order to live. I fear that someone will read my ramblings and get the wrong impression. I know I’m not an expert. I don’t expect all to follow along with me. We each know what is right for ourselves.

I’m inspired by the different ways I learn how others change their lives. There are many different methods to achieve happiness. I hate, hate, hate using medications to stabilize my mood. One day I hope I will no longer need them. If I do have to continue with my meds, I have to accept it. For me, at this very moment of my life, my medications are like insulin is for a diabetic.

The only thing I would suggest to any who struggle with depression is to find something to be grateful for. Something big, small, miniscule….there is something that can be found. It doesn’t require a prescription or mind shrinking. Just plain old observations.

The last few days the following made me smile (be warned…childish humor included)

  • Trying to walk my dog past a juniper bush
  • Reconnecting with old friends
  • Deciding to participate in a club again–photography to be exact
  • Naked Floofy Cat farted and sneezed at the same time
  • My favorite sound of the Cardinal bird
  • Being able to hold my tongue when words wanted to spew out willy nilly
  • Going to the movies with my husband

When going through a full-on depressive episode, it is nearly impossible to find what will make our individual lives worth living. In my experience, I can’t even read when I’m depressed because I don’t need or want any information to enter my mind–it’s full of ugly things. I’m stuck in my own depressed reality and I have to find my own way out. The way that works for me may not be the same for you.

However, look around.

Pay attention to a speck of light.

It just may be the speck you need in order to fight.

What do you see?

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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15 Responses to Don’t Take My Word For It

  1. aviets says:

    Ooh, the sound of a cardinal. LOVE. And I give you a score of 150% for holding your tongue when the words were aching to come out. I seriously need to learn that lesson.

    • April says:

      I’m in no way perfect because I usually don’t have much self control. I do find that I can search for better words most times. You know, I think before I speak now and everyone doesn’t have to know what’s on my mind.

  2. joey says:

    I agree, gratitude is great for combating mental health blocks.
    At our house, we play a game called, “Is it a Cardinal, or is it R2D2?” πŸ™‚

  3. I love the things you’re grateful for. Curious about a couple of them πŸ˜‰ I love your attitude April!

  4. I see a wonderful woman, who are doing her utmost to see the positive in her life and to fight the depression best possible April πŸ˜€

  5. Glynis Jolly says:

    Right now, your words are comforting to me. (Bet you weren’t excepting that, were you?) Inner struggles can have the aspects of being impossible to shake. Yes, find that pinhole of light and get to it somehow or other. ❀

  6. ecteedoff says:

    have you heard of the book “furiously happy” by jenny lawson? she also has a blog. anyway, i’m still reading it but her philosophy seems to have similarities to yours in that she believes it’s important when you’re not horribly depressed to just find things that make you incredibly happy to provide hope when things feel hopeless.

  7. Elouise says:

    Ever smile you pass along to us is a little beam of light–whether you know it or not, it is. So this comment is sending some of your little specks/beams of light right back to you. My favorite is the Naked Floofy Cat fart with sneeze. πŸ™‚
    Elouise

  8. reocochran says:

    Cardinals are special to me, love their song and the male bright red against dull colors of winter. A speck of light, for me, is how snow or ice crystals blow and are caught in the sun. Or even dust floating in the sunlight. We are but, “Dust in the wind.” Forget who sings this, April. πŸ™‚

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