As a younger version of my loathing self, I always had an opinion. One which I expected everyone to understand and I dismissed them should they disagree with me.
Sound like a fun person to be around?
I have a suspicion the answer is no.
Writing about my experiences becomes difficult when I share the methods I use in order to live. I fear that someone will read my ramblings and get the wrong impression. I know I’m not an expert. I don’t expect all to follow along with me. We each know what is right for ourselves.
I’m inspired by the different ways I learn how others change their lives. There are many different methods to achieve happiness. I hate, hate, hate using medications to stabilize my mood. One day I hope I will no longer need them. If I do have to continue with my meds, I have to accept it. For me, at this very moment of my life, my medications are like insulin is for a diabetic.
The only thing I would suggest to any who struggle with depression is to find something to be grateful for. Something big, small, miniscule….there is something that can be found. It doesn’t require a prescription or mind shrinking. Just plain old observations.
The last few days the following made me smile (be warned…childish humor included)
- Trying to walk my dog past a juniper bush
- Reconnecting with old friends
- Deciding to participate in a club again–photography to be exact
- Naked Floofy Cat farted and sneezed at the same time
- My favorite sound of the Cardinal bird
- Being able to hold my tongue when words wanted to spew out willy nilly
- Going to the movies with my husband
When going through a full-on depressive episode, it is nearly impossible to find what will make our individual lives worth living. In my experience, I can’t even read when I’m depressed because I don’t need or want any information to enter my mind–it’s full of ugly things. I’m stuck in my own depressed reality and I have to find my own way out. The way that works for me may not be the same for you.
However, look around.
Pay attention to a speck of light.
It just may be the speck you need in order to fight.
What do you see?