Moving Along In Spite of Staying In The Same Spot

For me, keeping my mind on thoughts of the past is what drags me down. I suppose it drags anyone down who insist on dwelling in the past.

Many years ago I learned how to stop my negative thinking. It became a choice. Sometimes I let myself wallow in it and sometimes I tell myself to stop and think of the present.

I still struggle with the self-hate that comes with dwelling in my negative past. I feel it is the root of my struggle with depression. However, I logically know I cannot do anything about changing my past.

Not sure why I feel the need to write this, but another past friend bites the dust. The one I treated with little respect but went out of my way to support when losses occurred in their life. It’s been bothering me for months to have to let go, but let go I must. I believe I was written off long ago but was too ignorant to see it. How can a friend be in your area and not stop by for coffee? How can a friend rub in your face that they have a bff for life while completely ignoring you? (Facebook really stinks)

I hear loud and clear now, and I must move along and make new friends. As much as I would love to be part of a gaggle of friends who are close for life, it will never be that way for me. I have a couple of close friends and that’s okay.

So, goodbye to another little piece of my past. I need to do this to make room for today. I can no longer stay in the same spot. It’s starting to get a little smelly.

**I have clung to a few bad relationships with judgemental hypocrites, narcissists, and bullies. I have finally let the *friendship of the last one go.

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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22 Responses to Moving Along In Spite of Staying In The Same Spot

  1. aviets says:

    Oh, ouch. I’m sorry this “friend” let you down.

  2. I am sorry to learn of your friends passing..

    Opening our eyes to what a friend should be, I think you have at last understood this was not a true friend.. True friends do not do that.. But we all hang onto our idea’s and hopes..

    Letting go is hard, but with your friends passing, I think you are finally seeing, there really was nothing to hang onto.. It was all in your perspective of them.. So smile… send them love in the afterlife.. and enjoy your Real friends in the Now.. who support you ..

    Love and Blessings.. Sue xx

    • April says:

      oh wait! I think I worded that wrong. This friend has not passed, I am just letting them go from my thoughts. They haven’t necessarily been in my life for some time now, and I’m not sure why I keep thinking I need acceptance and recognition that I’m still a friend worthy of their friendship, respect, and thoughts. However, you are correct…it’s all in my perspective of them.

  3. mewhoami says:

    It takes a lot of strength to let people go, but sometimes that exactly what we have to do. It’s better to have little or no friends than it is to have ‘friends’ who hurt you.

  4. It is painful to recognize that a friend was not that friend, as we thought April. Good that you now go on for you again.

  5. Cathy Bohlae says:

    I agree with mewhoami…..it is a must to let someone who treats you bad go! No one needs that sort of friend. I agree a few fun ones are better than a whole gaggle of friends. Being a friend is hard and takes work and both need to realize that. I am sorry your feelings are still being hurt by this person but letting them pass it going to be a good thing for you….wait I guess I should wait and make sure it isn’t me…..but if I ever get to your area I am there for coffee!!! hugs to you my dear faraway friend!

    • April says:

      No, Cathy, it isn’t you 😀 It feels good to move on.

      • Cathy Bohlae says:

        I knew it wasn’t. I may not “be there” but I also don’t believe I ruffle feathers. I respect others regardless…even if I don’t like them….then I choose not to have them in my life. That simple…….at least those words were very easy to type….not as easy in life! hugs

  6. A few close friends, makes for something wonderful April. I’m glad you have them. And I’m glad you are letting go of what is not good for you. And the other comments here are wonderful.

  7. Glynis Jolly says:

    Making friends, true friends is something I have a hard time with. I don’t have any friends in the community where I live now. It could be I’m just a little too strange for them here.

    • April says:

      It’s hard relocating to a place that you haven’t spent much of your life. I have my husband and that’s about it. My other friends are all on the West Coast

      • Glynis Jolly says:

        I don’t even have friends in my home state anymore. I’ve been away from there so long, that the connection, both mentally and physically have been lost. No one’s to blame. It’s just the way life has been. These days I’m hooking up virtually with online friends. Not quite the same, but good.

  8. reocochran says:

    I may have awhile back shared at age 50, I read a fantastic article about circling your life with happy times, positive people and eliminate those who make you feel bad about yourself. For years, from 7th grade thru high school to the moments we were in our 40’s, living within a mile of each other, I was the “rock” for a girlfriend. Someone everyone counted on, gave good gifts, attended all sorts of fundraisers and home parties with products to sell. When I had 3 time-consuming activities, 2 jobs and Master’s degree courses, my so called friend needed me all the time. I was stretched thin but listened and let her lean. But after I weed-whacked her yard, decorated her house, brought 2 expensive food trays to help her celebrate and co-host her son’s graduation party, I was “done.” She asked me to refill some food. No “please” and I said I was tired and left. Others had to help her clean up.
    She has fibromyalgia which I realize means she gets tired but it is hard when no matter what was going on in my disastrous marriage, losing my home due to husband’s lay off; nothing was as “bad” as her disease. April, losing “friends” or if someone has a “difficult” family member can take a weight off your shoulder. 🙂 🙂

    • April says:

      It has. Part of what has let me know that this past friend doesn’t care is the fact that I share in her successes and milestones but if I should say anything (usually on Facebook) that I am still cancer free, she never comments. She never sends me a private note, calls, or writes inquiring about my life. I will no longer let that bother me. Perhaps she has more pressing matters in her life than to bother herself with mine. Apparently, her support is always for our mutual friends and there isn’t any left for me. So….I will just let it go.

  9. suzjones says:

    Sometimes dear, it is terribly hard to realise that not everyone feels the same way about us as we deserve to be treated. I’m sorry that this occurred for you. It must have hurt whilst at the same time being liberating.
    Should I ever pass your way, I will not only stop in for a cuppa (tea please) but I will also probably beg some couch space lol
    Still think of you though I don’t often get around the blogs these days. I’m enjoying your gratitude posts on FB though. 🙂

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