I am long overdue to log some gratitude. The following made me smile:
- my Darth Vader respirator
- my patience—or procrastination (too-may-tow, tah-mah-tow)
- our daughter has already found a job in a skilled nursing facility
- white chocolate M&Ms—oh. my.
- the colors of Autumn
- cooler weather and lack of humidity
- music – any and all – except Metal
- the bug man—we have been seeing scorpions in the house
- wondering when said bug man is going to lose all his teeth–I’m sorry that one wasn’t nice, but I swear each time he comes, speaking his twangy redneck language with one more tooth missing, it makes me giggle–shame on me
- one of my cats has kidney disease and luckily we can keep her feeling good with diet and subcutaneous fluids
- lidocaine patches — for me
I have been keeping myself busy and will post photos of some of what I’ve been up to—but I have some pressing matters to finish first–like keeping a wet edge. I have been painting walls……lots of walls…and ceilings. I am knitting an ugly blanket with my yarn stash, knitting a pair of socks, making Christmas tree ornaments with real felt (not the cheap stuff from the craft store), and little cross stitched square ornaments.
I have had a vast amount of time to think.
About why I can’t get ahold of my eating habits. How weird is it to obsessively worry about having a recurrence of cancer in just about every part of my body, but not do one thing toward getting my body healthy? I make declarations all the time that “this time I’m going to stick to it”. To remind myself…..I am an emotional eater. I want to remember that. I must remember it every time I grab something to eat when I’m not hungry. I also need to snack on healthier foods instead of starving myself…….then I get hangry and will eat just about anything, and nobody better get in my way.
Exercise is another issue. Sure my fingers get worked out every day, but I know in order to be mobile well into my 90s, I must take better care of my body—but I make excuses. Why?
Why do I want something so bad but don’t move toward obtaining it? Fear? No. Laziness? No. Defiance? Instant gratification vs. the big picture? Self-hate?
Anyway, that is what my mind is working through at the moment.