Do As I Say, Not As I Do

I am long overdue to log some gratitude. The following made me smile:

  • my Darth Vader respirator
  • my patience—or procrastination (too-may-tow, tah-mah-tow)
  • our daughter has already found a job in a skilled nursing facility
  • white chocolate M&Ms—oh. my.
  • the colors of Autumn
  • cooler weather and lack of humidity
  • music – any and all – except Metal
  • the bug man—we have been seeing scorpions in the house
  • wondering when said bug man is going to lose all his teeth–I’m sorry that one wasn’t nice, but I swear each time he comes, speaking his twangy redneck language with one more tooth missing, it makes me giggle–shame on me
  • oneย of my cats has kidney disease and luckily we can keep her feeling good with diet and subcutaneous fluids
  • lidocaine patches — for me

I have been keeping myself busy and will post photos of some of what I’ve been up to—but I have some pressing matters to finish first–like keeping a wet edge. I have been painting walls……lots of walls…and ceilings. I am knitting an ugly blanket with my yarn stash, knitting a pair of socks, making Christmas tree ornaments with real felt (not the cheap stuff from the craft store), and little cross stitched square ornaments.

I have had a vast amount of time to think.

About food.

About why I can’t get ahold of my eating habits. How weird is it to obsessively worry about having a recurrence of cancer in just about every part of my body, but not do one thing toward getting my body healthy? I make declarations all the time that “this time I’m going to stick to it”. ย To remind myself…..I am an emotional eater. I want to remember that. I must remember it every time I grab something to eat when I’m not hungry. I also need to snack on healthier foods instead of starving myself…….then I get hangry and will eat just about anything, and nobody better get in my way.

Exercise is another issue. Sure my fingers get worked out every day, but I know in order to be mobile well into my 90s, I must take better care of my body—but I make excuses. Why?

Why do I want something so bad but don’t move toward obtaining it? Fear? No. Laziness? No. Defiance? Instant gratification vs. the big picture? Self-hate?

Anyway, that is what my mind is working through at the moment.


About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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17 Responses to Do As I Say, Not As I Do

  1. It is amazing what we know about ourselves, and then don’t do to benefit ourselves….. guilty!

    And what’s this about white chocolate m&m’s????

  2. reocochran says:

    Aptil, I am starting in the present post snd will make my way to the past ones I missed.
    I am a little silly in noticing things like you do. Such as accents, clothes and teeth. I have a good male friend whose teeth are really brown. I have one ex-husband and an ex-boyfriend both who have dentures. I am more “picky” now. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I don’t obsess or stress about food but I eat a treat once a day. I like white chocolate Lindt’s truffle balls. I like caramel flavored candy corn and apple slices dunked in caramel sauce. I will need to try white chocolate M & M’s!!

  3. Glynis Jolly says:

    The obstacle to healthier habits for me is the instant gratification. I want the pounds off right now. I want to feel marvelous right now. Of course, none of this is going to happen like that. But I’ve found something that works for me — kind of anyway. I changed what I’m striving for. Sure I want to be slim again but at my age I doubt it will happen. So I exercise now because my body needs it and I feel better physically and emotionally right after I get off the exer-cycle. I don’t eat in between meals now and keep the portions where they should be because (instant gratification again) I actually feel physically better when I don’t eat. I’m eating because my body needs the nutrients, not because I want to eat. Changing the ‘why’ has seemed to help.

  4. aviets says:

    I’m in the same quandary about trying to improve my amount of physical activity to stave off being totally decrepit by the time I have grandchildren. And then I have guilt for being so unable to get off my ass and move more.

    Sounds like you’re making good progress on the house. And congrats on your daughter’s job!

  5. Love your Gratitude list.. and why not keep some sticks of celery or carrots, apples are good, for snacks.. Also Brazil nuts and almonds to keep you going, also they have great Brazil nuts (“just 1-2 nuts a day provides enough of this trace element. Adequate selenium in the diet help prevent coronary artery disease, liver cirrhosis, and cancers.”,, the link for this can be found Here
    Sounds like you have been busy busy.. Hope you rest up this weekend April.. Love and Hugs Sue xx

  6. mewhoami says:

    You make your own Christmas ornaments? Nice! I’d love to see photos of those. I think it’s great that you wrote about your issue with food. Sometimes writing it down helps to keep us accountable. Like you though, I too don’t do what I need to do to get what I want. It frustrates me to no end how many things I’ve walked away from and never completed, things that at one time excited me so much that I couldn’t even sit still. I have one in mind right now. Why am I avoiding it? Grrrr….

  7. Cathy Bohlae says:

    Whatever let it not be self hate!!!! Love this as I usually do…..miss your posts but so get the busy thing. And when I get so busy around the house I sit and crochet……why? I say to myself why not? The housework can wait………we all got something!!! hugs as usual!!!

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