I’m reading a book titled, The Mindful Way through Depression by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zin.
As much as my medications have helped me reach a place I feel worthy of enjoying myself, one particular medicatication sucks the me right out of me. It takes most of my sense of humor. I keep to myself. I isolate myself.
One passage in the book was one of the best ways to describe depression as it happens in my mind. I hope this answers some questions others may have about why we can’t snap out of it.
The following is the passage…..
When depression starts to pull us down, we often react, for very understandable reasons, by trying to get rid of our feelings by suppressing them or by trying to think our way out of them.
In the process we dredge up past regrets and conjure up future worries. In our heads, we try out this solution and that solution, and it doesn’t take long for us to start feeling bad for failing to come up with a way to alleviate the painful emotions we are feeling.
We get lost in comparisons of where we are versus where we want to be, soon living almost entirely in our heads. We become preoccupied. We lose touch with the world, with the people around us, even with those we most love and those who most love us.
We deny ourselves the rich input of the full experience of living.
It’s no wonder that we get discouraged and may wind up feeling that there is nothing we can do.
Yup, I try to fix myself, and am frustrated when things don’t work the way I envision.
I have spent quite a bit of time observing and challenging my thoughts. I have found many thoughts or beliefs that are not worthy of my limited brain power and I must not waste any more time on them.
However, there is that one medication I have always had problems with. The one which eventually makes me flat. No personality, just flat. When that happens, I quit taking the medication and the longest I’ve made it without another full blown case of clinical depression is 8 months.
I’m working with my pill pusher to remove this one medication, and the one to counteract the effects of the original one, from my daily regimen so that I can live up to my full potential, not a version of me with a flat personality.
Some will give up.
I’m not one of them.