sympathy for my illness?

mass ignorance

growing

excusing behaviors

artfully side-steping

contradictions

hidden insults

defeat

head hung low

no longer defiant

one voice is a whisper

no more strength

a whisper too meek

defenseless

i whisper no more

who cares anyway

as stupid can’t be fixed

so it goes with empathy

Like my poem? Yeah, well I’m redirecting a few things around my minuscule section of the internet. I’ve gone through this before. I’ve listed the reasons why I blog.

My hope was to use my voice to help reduce the stigma of mental illness. It’s hard to write about depression while trying to move beyond it toward recovery. I hoped that I would inspire some to understand, get help, to know they aren’t alone.

I realized I have accomplished my goal. I reached one person. My husband. In my world, that’s all that matters. He has a much better understanding of what is going on in my head than I could articulate.

So, I need a bit of time to find my voice again. Not much will change, I just want to avoid the topic of depression. I want to show that I live and find beauty in spite of myself. If any notice I’m MIA for a while, I’m either in Nowhere, Missouri or I’m getting my crap together.

I’ve changed the title of my blog because I have been brain damaged by my kids. πŸ˜€

I can’t stop the jokes or insensitive remarks about mental illness, I can only control how I react to them. Lately, I haven’t exactly done a stellar job because I’ve been too wrapped up in how I was instead of where I am today.

What I’m saying, instead of talking (writing), I’m going to show through my words that I am living a normal life, and it is possible. I’m discovering that the best way to do this is by example.

However, don’t expect a Ms. Yippy Skippy Happy Pants sort of blog. I have some pearls of wisdom, but since I’m so transparent, showing only one side of me would be hard to keep up with. After all, I’m human….some days just aren’t fun whether you suffer from mental illness or are normal.

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
This entry was posted in Anxeity and Depression and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to sympathy for my illness?

  1. Gallivanta says:

    I’ll second that : some days just aren’t fun. And whilst you know you’ve helped your husband understand your inner head space, you most likely have helped others, too. A lot of people read blogs but don’t ever comment or click like or indicate they are followers. I find that strange but it happens all the time. Sometimes people are actually too exhausted to do anything more than read.

  2. aviets says:

    I will always love to hear from you, whatever you write. And I really hope you don’t go AWOL for long, because I’ll really miss you!

    • April says:

      Thanks Amy. I have many more ideas swirling around my head, but if someone is going to send me my sympathies for my illness, then I’ve gone of the path. I need to show others that with the proper help, things will get better—by giving them an example.

      • aviets says:

        That is an excellent plan. I think you really can make a difference in people’s lives in that way.

        • April says:

          It will make a difference in mine. As far as helping others..unless they know I suffer from depression, they may just think I’m just a little odd. πŸ™‚ Well, I am and I’m okay with that. Someone coming across my blog by accident wouldn’t know I suffer from major depressive disorder unless they go to my about page. Meh, we’ll see.

      • April says:

        *send me sympathies :/ (way up there in the other comment)

  3. I like and enjoy your voice. I look forward to it when you find your way back from Nowhere, Missouri.

  4. Glynis Jolly says:

    When I first saw your notice in my inbox, I wondered if I signed up for a blog without thinking. But your new title got me curious so I kept on reading. I do hope you have a few posts that are from “Happy Pants” but I certainly understand you still doing the serious thing. After all, that’s what my blog is too. ❀

  5. Elouise says:

    I love that your husband has been helped by your writing! Like others above, I’ll read anything you write about. I love your writing voice and your honesty–along with the humor. As for the new name–I love it, too! I think this all boils down to a big vote of confidence.
    Elouise

  6. suzjones says:

    I noticed the name change of your blog right away. I hope you don’t leave us Miss April. But then i would hunt you down some other way…. bwahahahaha πŸ˜€
    Huge hugs girl. I’m so pleased you were able to reach your husband.

  7. reocochran says:

    I like how well rounded your posts are. They are positive sometimes, rants and informative other times. I think being honest and open allows discourse. I have expressed heartbreak and also described my youngest daughters battle with her own illness. Plus, I have a brother and son who both suffer through depression. Of course, they laugh and can joke, but there are very bad days for them, too. I read you because of who you are, April. I care about you, too!

    • April says:

      I just need to take some of my own advice. The more I focus on something, the more negative and sensitive I become. I make jokes about myself when I have difficult days, so I shouldn’t judge others for telling jokes. After all, that’s all they are…..words. I care about you too, Robin. I always learn so much through your blogs. I get behind reading because of the big projects we are working on have left me a little too exhausted. I will keep writing, but I’m changing the focus. πŸ™‚

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