Letting go of my anxiety–whew!

One of my anxiety producing thoughts came to fruition this week. I lost my 18-year-old cat. It took a couple of days to process my grief, and it stirred up grief I continue to live in spite of, but I didn’t go off the deep end.  I’m still standing. I’m not a gelatinous mess of my former self.

The fears that I would come completely apart at the seams, were a waste of the precious time I have been given to live life to its fullest.

This is the second time I have found myself shaking my head over my ‘anxiety thoughts’. I have incessantly worried about our oldest son and his situation. All is fine. He has formed a goal and is working toward reaching it.

While worrying about things beyond my control, moments tick off that can be spent doing something more positive.

Lesson learned?

Excess worry over situations I have no control of, can be better used to improve the way I feel and think about myself. Anxiety only weakens me, making life harder to manage.

Second lesson learned?

That’s the first time I have written those words, or said them aloud, and I seriously believe that anxiety (other than the normal amount) no longer serves a purpose for me.

Hopefully, the lessons I’ve learned will make me stronger against depression. If that black dog, Hagatha, comes a-sniffing around I will not give her any treats so that she hangs around—dragging me down.

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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28 Responses to Letting go of my anxiety–whew!

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    I am both sad and happy for you.

    I’m terribly sad for your loss. I understand the incredible bonds that form with our animals. I think those of us who have illnesses often bond even more deeply with our animals because they accept us as we are…something we don’t even get from ourselves let alone others in our lives. So I am thinking of you as you move through the journey of grief. HUGS

    On the other hand, I’m so happy for your epiphany! I hope the path forward is full of strength and happiness!

    • April says:

      He definitely was there when I needed something to snuggle up with when I felt bad. As far as the anxiety? It has been a LONG, hard journey to get to this point. Keep going! You can achieve it too!

  2. anxietystarr says:

    I’m sorry about your kitty 😦 I also have anxiety over losing my pets. You are a strong woman to be able to rationalize and realize that anxiety is a useless emotion!

    • April says:

      Wait! I don’t think anxiety is totally useless. It’s what keeps us from getting into risky situations–places I’ve been and never hope to be in again. It’s the anxiety that I have absolutely no control over. I have sticky notes around my house asking 3 questions.

      What is changing?
      Can I do anything about it?
      Do I need to do anything?

      I identify what I’m worrying about and then try to identify whether or not I can make a difference in the outcome.

      I also have notes all over with…Not my circus, not my monkeys.

      Thank you for your sympathies for my kitty. He had a wonderful life and gave me so much.

      • anxietystarr says:

        Sorry I should have clarified! That when it’s overwhelming it’s useless, it absolutely has a place in everyday life at a “normal” level!

        • April says:

          It took me a long time to realize that. I kept expecting to have zero anxiety and was extremely frustrated when I couldn’t reach it. Then it became an entire process of beating myself up for not being able to be anxiety free. I created a bunch of other junk for me to process.

  3. butchcountry67 says:

    I am sorry for your loss, may you find comfort knowing he/she has crossed the rainbow bridge and is forever you now.

    • April says:

      It was hard watching him over the last year. I’m working hard to celebrate what I had with him, and how he enriched my life. My best wishes to you and Hammy!

  4. butchcountry67 says:

    young…not you sorry

  5. mewhoami says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your cat. It’s so hard to lose a member of the family. It’s good that you can see the negative impacts that anxiety can have on a person. We waste a lot of time on things that either never happen, or don’t end up as bad as we had imagined they would.

    • April says:

      Thank you. I didn’t think I would make it through any other losses. Animals are just as important to me, and the loss is also hard to process. Even though I know I will outlive all my animals, it’s still hard when they go.

  6. My condolences for your loss, it’s never easy to lose a long time loved pet. I am glad to hear your grasp on anxiety control has not faltered. I hope the coming weeks bring small joys to each day.

  7. Maybe he had done what he had to do for and with you April, now you can by your self. I’m sorry for your loss but think that both of you had many wonderful memories to think at. Love in your way 😉

  8. aviets says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry about your cat. I know what a very sad thing that is to go through. But it is SO awesome that you;re in this place on your recovery. Hooray for you!

  9. Gallivanta says:

    How amazing that you had 18 years together. You will definitely miss him. You will not miss your anxiety.

    • April says:

      It was becoming more painful to watch him move around the house. His kidneys were failing, and I nursed him as long as I could. Yes, the anxiety is under control! Yay!

  10. I’m very sorry for your loss of your 18 year companion and family member.
    I’m happy to hear though, that you have separated from that Hagatha , good bye to that.

  11. suzjones says:

    You go girl!!
    I am so very sorry for your loss though April. Losing a treasured member of your family is incredibly difficult but you have come through this with aplomb and strength. I take my hat off to you my lady. You are a beacon of hope to many.

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