Hold on! I need to clarify something……

My post, Letting go of my anxiety–whew!, I think I may have sounded like getting rid of anxiety has been a cake-walk.

In fact, I take a handful of pills to tame my anxiety.

My dream is to really be a super hero and not rely on drugs to maintain some sort of dignity. If that never becomes a possibility—then so be it.

I take 2mg of Xanax throughout the day. I am weaning off this one because my pill pusher has given me Buspar to help with anxiety. I know that each person is different, but Buspar has been the onlyΒ drug I have taken that gets close to taming my anxiety so that I can work through the process of eliminating it.

I take 60mg of Prozac, 150mg of Welbutrin XL, and 200mg of Lamictal (a mood stabilizer) as well.

It has been a combination of these medications and the help of my therapist that has helped me reach my current state of mind.

However, it also took an extremely strong desire and a lot of hard work on my part to comply with everything the doctors have either given me or told me to do.

The only super heroic thing I have done is making myself move forward one step at a time. I slip now and then but I keep moving forward. The heroism is in my determination to never give up.

I blog about my successes to give others hope.

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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29 Responses to Hold on! I need to clarify something……

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    I didn’t think it was a cake-walk for you and I don’t feel that you taking pills is something to note as a “crutch” or anything other than what it takes to help you be where you are. I didn’t see any reasons for you to apologize!

    • April says:

      I didn’t really mean it as an apology. I’m probably thinking of myself when I read about someone’s success. I feel like I’m even more of a failure. Does that make sense?

      I’m also not apologizing for having to take the pills I do to manage my life. I don’t consider them a crutch at all. It took me 44 years to finally find the correct drug combination, and I wouldn’t give it up for the world. Before that, I thought I could deal with life on my own…until I saw only two ways out.

      I just didn’t want someone to read my words and think they are failing (just as I would if I read what I wrote). I didn’t want someone who is where I used to be berate themselves for not achieving an anxiety or depression free life.

      I hope you didn’t take offense to what I wrote. It wasn’t directed at anybody except for the hopeless. There is hope, sometimes we have to work harder than others to achieve it.

      • meANXIETYme says:

        No, I wasn’t offended. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to defend yourself or explain yourself in any manner other than what you want to do.
        Others will always read into things the way they want (or need) to. If the explanation was for you, then that’s cool.
        (I didn’t mean YOU or anyone use the pills as a crutch, I thought someone else was saying you were…)

        • April says:

          In my mind, sometimes I believe that I’m relying on drugs and should be able to be like ‘normal’ people. I’m in a love-hate relationship with the drugs, but they have kept me from taking the second option.

          • meANXIETYme says:

            I am sure you are not alone in that kind of love/hate relationship with the drugs. But for some people, we know it is required. I think it’s pretty awesome that you are able to take them…and I feel like that about most people who take drugs and are able to handle doing so.

            • April says:

              I’m sure I’m not alone either. I’m also very grateful that I am able to tolerate what I have been given. It hasn’t always been the case. I understand that there are many who can’t tolerate any medications due to what their body can, or can’t handle. Urgh…now I’m hoping that I don’t make anyone give up hope because they can’t take medication. Oh…I’m not as much a Ms.Confidence Pants that I thought I was.

          • meANXIETYme says:

            That sounded weird, but I meant appropriate prescription drugs. LOL

  2. mewhoami says:

    I’m glad that you don’t give all the credit to the medications. You definitely have a big part in this as well. Hopefully there will be a day when you will no longer have to rely on meds, but if not that’s okay too. At least you’re enjoying life more now and it’s getting a bit easier.

    • April says:

      The medications only helped me to slow my thoughts enough to recognize how I was thinking was impacting my life. I couldn’t do that before, and it even took a while after taking the medications. It’s a process.

  3. You have been through a very big personal development April, I do remember where you were when I started to follow you long time ago. You are on a good way and if you need the medications to continue this road, then do it πŸ˜€

  4. aviets says:

    I LOVE how up-front and transparent you are about what you need to do to keep things going well for you. You’re a such a good role model for all of us who are struggling with these issues. As always, thank you!

    • April says:

      I’ve certainly been through all the ‘natural cures’, no medication whatsoever, and found myself liking alcohol a wee bit too much. This is working for me.

  5. I’m not an expert in any way in this field. But it sure appears that your ‘walk’ has not been easy, but has definitely been very much a walk of effort and determination on your part. I appreciate your sharing and never felt it was a ‘cake walk’. I have appreciated your openness and willingness to share your journey. Here’s to billions more of these wonderfully determined steps.

  6. Gallivanta says:

    It’s excellent that you have found a drug combination that works for you. Getting it right requires great patience and determination, doesn’t it?

  7. Glynis Jolly says:

    I take Welbutrin, but my dosage is at 100mg. twice a day. Yep, anxiety is a tough one to beat. I went for years without meds. I don’t see how my husband stood it.

  8. reocochran says:

    We don’t take for granted about medicinal assistance and a lot of hard work for you to overcome (daily, moment to moment…) bouts of anxiety or sadness, too. You are a real ‘trooper,’ helping us to understand the process, along with making us feel better through your different ways you brighten our days.

  9. suzjones says:

    you are my hero. πŸ™‚

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