I challenge thee…

Thee is really me, but I thought that maybe a little of what I’m trying to accomplish may inspire others who suffer from Anxiety.

I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but I also suffer from Social Anxiety.

With the proper help and the mix of drugs I’m on, I have been able to stand back and observe my thoughts when I start to feel anxious. I ask myself a series of questions and then ask what I’m going to do about them. This is an exercise I couldn’t do without the help of my therapist.

I love, love, love being a homebody. My sanctuary. If I never left the house, I don’t think I would care. However, it’s not healthy. We all need human contact…beyond our immediate family. I don’t fear leaving the house, but I’m stuck in a mind set of wrapping myself in a blanket and reading a book, or knitting.

I am pushing myself forward because I have discovered that my anxiety issues over most things are absolutely humorous to me at this point. This is a personal discovery about myself. IĀ knowĀ that anxiety is a crippling disease, and I have been working hard to overcome mine.

So, I have made a tiny list of goals to reach beyond my comfort zone.

Actually, the items on my list I don’t even feel the slightest fear over. It’s simply getting my rear in the car and going here and there. Perhaps, I’m still afraid of being afraid.

Meh.

One other thing I have been challenging myself with is the expectation of perfectionism.

I am knitting a blanket in the team uniform colors of the Seattle Seahawks, alternating the colors as I knit. Normally, everything would be balanced and the rows would follow some form of a pattern. I’m knitting with a color until I decide to change. The task is seriously testing me.

Today, I challenge myself to take a walk with Sensible Girlfriend and the grand puppy. After that, The Home Depot for some bathroom caulk to redo all the bathrooms, then the dreadful grocery store for a quick mission.

A few things at a time, and before long I shall conquer. I need the energy to stave off depression.

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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21 Responses to I challenge thee…

  1. aviets says:

    I like this plan – it’s challenging yet sensible. I’ve been feeling (and being) more and more reclusive lately and therefore have forced myself into two people-intensive interactions coming up later this week. Right now they both seem like great ideas, but I know I’ll be cursing myself when the time comes. Always a struggle…

  2. meANXIETYme says:

    Go get ’em! And celebrate each accomplishment, no matter how many you conquer.

  3. revgerry says:

    What an insightful post, I love it. I’m a homebody too – made worse since I can’t drive any more. I’m perfectly happy just sitting here in my recliner, headphones on, writing , reading, creating pretty little quotes…tending my veggies out here in the desert…taking a little walk maybe. I have found real pleasure just being in my own head and it’s not the same as when I was so depressed and had those anxiety attacks.. To balance me, luckily my beloved is an extrovert and an entertainer, so I get a frequent gentle nudge out of the house. He loves to shop – he knows every clerk in every store, everybody waves and greets him – I am completely amazed. We’re just so different, and it’s all good. We have a great life.

    • April says:

      Yes, my love of being a homebody isn’t the same as isolating myself due to anxiety or depression. I have been asked if I ever get bored. No, I have plenty to do. My husband isn’t exactly an extrovert, but he does nudge me out when he knows I haven’t been out all week.

  4. mewhoami says:

    It’s funny that you wrote this today. For the past several days, I’ve been telling myself that I really need to stop being so afraid to go out. I love vacations, but the thoughts of going out and doing every day errands causes anxiety. But like you said, it’s not healthy to be that way. Working on a list of goals for this purpose sounds like a wonderful plan, and I am sure that you will accomplish all of them.

  5. Hhhhmmmmm… Just today I was wondering why I love being at home so much. I do not think I am anti social at all. I have to go to work on a daily basis. I have expectations outside of my home on a regular basis with family and friends. So when I come home I like to be home. So I guess I am a home body as well. And going out is not always fun, and not always stressful. But can be both. šŸ™‚

  6. Glynis Jolly says:

    You hit it right on the head, April. Although I don’t have Social Anxiety, as you know, I do have GAD. Like you, I’m a homebody. I don’t knit anymore but I sure like to read. I don’t have any fears of being out in public except for the ones associated with my mobility issues. It’s just that there’s few places in public that interest me. I like the park when it’s warm out. I love browsing through the used book store, The Book Cellar. Every so often I like going to the small discount mall in town. Everywhere else, I just don’t care about.

  7. Gallivanta says:

    Sort of a bit off topic but relates to being a homebody and enjoying being alone. Have I ever shared my favourite cartoonist Michael Leunig? Chances are I have, because I love him so much. One of his cartoons was picked up by Elizabeth Gilbert. https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz/photos/a.356148997800555.79726.227291194019670/771796086235842/?type=1&theater Hope you can see that. I am not a follower of Elizabeth Gilbert but I did enjoy reading her take on the cartoon.

  8. suzjones says:

    I like that you are challenging yourself to do these small things. My mother was telling me this morning that she has found that if she does things spontaneously (like the grocery shopping) rather than thinking the night before “Oh I have to shop tomorrow” then it gets done. She has found that if she writes a ‘to do’ list of thing outside the house, she ends up hiding from the world rather than going out and meeting it. I must admit that there are days that I don’t want to leave the house but not to that extreme so it is a learning curve for me in supporting her through this.
    I think you are well on your way to super hero status my dear.

    • April says:

      I don’t know about super hero. I had a mini breakdown yesterday, but I recognized it and did what I had to do. First thing was to block any negative thoughts from attacking my brain. As far as leaving the house, I know when it’s bad when I’m depressed, but when I have depression under control, I still want to stay home. I’m seeing where it is unhealthy. Maybe I need to reassess some of my small term goals.

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