how easy it is to make excuses for happiness

I sat down with myself yesterday, trying to remember all that was good about last year.

(insert the sound of crickets here)

The NFL team of my obsession won the Super Bowl! However, I have a but about that.

I spent time with my daughter twice this last year. However, I have a but about this too.

My husband and I celebrated 26 years of wedded bliss. No buts about this one…I’m truly lucky to be loved by such a wonderful, patient, understanding, supportive man.

I survived a garage sale. The but was a sad one.

I flew in a tin tube–twice! Without medication. No buts here either.

I had 2 and a half clean CT scans. Of course I have a but here, but I have to let it go.

After a two and some years worth of darkness, I found a candle to light my way. I’m looking forward to making it a spotlight until I no longer need assistance to light my way.

I don’t like looking back unless there is a lesson to be learned. Depression has taught me a lot about myself, and in a way, I’m grateful for the experience. Ha! Now that’s a crazy thought, but it’s true for me.

My past does not equal my future. My future begins with every new moment. I have my hand on the rudder, and I control my destination. Knowing this, makes all the pain my mind tortured me with, almost worth it. Nah, I think I could have learned the same things without all the despair.

While I don’t believe in making a resolution on one particular day of the year, last year at this time, I resolved to heal my mind. Every day after that, I made the same resolution. I went at it full speed ahead, and while my sails are still a bit tattered, I now know I’m heading the right direction.


I’m not looking for a start over, I’m looking for a continuation.

No buts about it.


About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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20 Responses to how easy it is to make excuses for happiness

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    I do the same thing with the “but” part. My therapist asked me to consider the things I have accomplished over my life, which I did. And almost every one of them ended with a “but…” It sucks to not be able to turn off that “but” part.
    Then the other day she told me something in reference to my grandmother…and she answered my question with, “It’s chocolate!” To which I said, “Whu?”
    It’s bittersweet chocolate, she told me. You have to take the bitter with the sweet to enjoy the chocolate. Now in all honesty, I don’t LOVE bittersweet chocolate, but I get the reference.

    I hope 2015 brings you brightly lit pathways…and beauty every single day.

    • April says:

      Trying to focus on the accomplishment no matter how big or small has to be enough. I’m struggling to block my buts—but, I’m choosing to believe it can be achieved if I try hard enough. Maybe?

  2. aviets says:

    I hope this is the best year ever for you!

  3. Tracy says:

    And you are continuing April!!! This is a great and heartfelt post…thank you for sharing it!

  4. mewhoami says:

    Even with the buts, you had many great things happen this year. It’s great that you took the time to see and appreciate them. I look forward to hearing all about your continuation this year. 🙂

    • April says:

      The biggest accomplishment is that I kept putting one foot in front of the other—even if I had to take extra steps to catch up with the backward steps.

  5. I have General Anxiety Disorder and Major Depression but it is all good.

    • April says:

      I have both too. I’m trying so hard to take this in between time to try to build up my defenses. Maybe the next episode won’t completely knock me off my feet?

  6. Gallivanta says:

    Keep right on going! Wonderful.

  7. I like the directions you are going. 🙂

  8. suzjones says:

    This year is going to far surpass the previous. You go girl.

  9. revgerry says:

    Have a most magical year, April

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