Choose wisely, young weedhopper

Most of us have heard, or contemplated the question of whether we would do something all over again…like life.

The answer to that question, for me, would be yes. Every bit of my life has led me right here. There are periods of time I could do without, but even in my orneriest, or darkest days, I received lessons.

We all have choices of paths to follow, and you can bet one of the paths chosen will be bumpy, slippery, and lonely. The path always leads to other paths, and we are continuously making decisions over which one is right for us.

Unfortunately, depression is a path we are forced to take–we are blocked from the path we chose, we are robbed of our decision. My fellow sufferers will understand, I hope the rest will find a way to accept that depression isn’t a choice.

I have read so many inspirational blogs, and while I think some may think I’m a little over the top, their words have touched me in ways they will probably never understand.

Accepting who I am, and that’s enough, has always been a struggle for me. (a little repeating here) I stuck out, I had red hair, my name wasn’t as common in my generation, I had a big mouth brother two years ahead of me in school, I was shy, and I never stood up for myself. Because of that, others took advantage of my vulnerabilities.

My only regret—I wish I had known in my 20’s, that I was enough. With such low-self esteem, I continued to take the bumpy, slippery, lonely path, expecting that this time things would be different. Thinking I had control over any situation, it took me a long while to learn that it was simply my reaction I had control of.

Eventually, I would be met with new paths of opportunity.

It was that one time I made a different choice. I took a path I feared.

Now, dammit, I have to love myself. 😀

Which path will you choose?


About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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12 Responses to Choose wisely, young weedhopper

  1. mewhoami says:

    Life may not be all roses all the time, but overall it sure is beautiful. The good outweighs the bad, I think for almost everyone. We have so much to be thankful for. I too wish that young people knew that they were enough. So many of them struggle with themselves each day. They need to know how special their individual uniqueness makes them.

    • April says:

      The need to have another person make you whole. just isn’t true. To depend upon another person to make us happy or not is destined to fail. We have to be enough.

  2. The low self esteem is what I reflect on a lot April. I think of what I “could” have done, etc. But maybe I had to go through all of the doubts etc to get to where I am now where I believe I can do what I want and try new things. Maybe the not believing in my led me to the believing. I love your reflections. They often mirror mine. Though our stories aren’t the same, isn’t it amazing to read other’s words and understand a feeling, a doubt, a….fear. Etc. I really seem to connect with a lot of what you say.

    • April says:

      My wish is that all teachers, parents and adults showed, by example, how to be compassionate to others. To treat others in a kind manner. It’s that little child who interprets information based upon their experiences–which are limited. We then carry those child-like interpretations until we recognize that they no longer serve a purpose in our adult lives.

  3. aviets says:

    In my opinion, who you are is WAY more than just good enough. 🙂

  4. Glynis Jolly says:

    I’ve thought about if I could do it all over again. There is one day that drastically changed my life to the point where I didn’t recognize it. Changing that one day would have made everything different now. However, would my life be better or worse if I changed that day? Although there are days that seem impossible while living through them, I do muddle through and I’m familiar with what I’m bearing. I think sticking with what I have is probably to way to go. 🙂

    • April says:

      There are many turning points in life that send us off in a whirl, and you certainly have been through a life altering change I can only imagine. I suppose I would never have picked up that first cigarette and perhaps I wouldn’t have the black cloud of cancer returning. We keep our heads up and continue on the best we can. Your question about whether changing that one day, would life be better or worse, is one for me to ponder on. What is comes down to, we can’t go back, we have to play the cards we are dealt, and hopefully end up with a full house. 🙂

  5. suzjones says:

    Each day is a new page in the book of life really. It’s blank. It’s waiting for our mark. Sometimes we write a happy ending and sometimes it involves tragedy but in the end it is our story.

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