How far would you go?

Since my sister passed, I have asked myself the same question over and over. How far would I go to live another week, month, year?

In the last couple of days, I have apparently found my answer.

I wanted out of my mind so bad, that I would take anything the doctor pushed my way. He prescribed, I complied.

I weighed the side effects vs. depression. In my mind, I could handle any side effect in order for the pain, which was my life, disappear.

Yesterday, I encouraged advocating for yourself, but for the mentally ill, is that even possible?

Even though I received the look of I told you so from my husband, I’m thankful that he pays attention.

I may have to remain on medication for the rest of my life in order to manage my illness, but I can live with that—as long as I do my research first.



About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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20 Responses to How far would you go?

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    It is so hard for people on medication or in the throes of depression to find the strength and/or energy to advocate for themselves. And even to do the research required to advocate for themselves. It’s helpful to have a backup, but even then they can only do so much for you.
    I wish doctors were able to figure out the best way to help a patient the first time, but sometimes that is just impossible, and we have to be persistent in getting the right help.

  2. Yayo says:

    Oh dear child….please just don’t give up the fight for yourself….keep finding beauty….wherever it leads you. One day, perhaps today, life will begin. Hang tough, sweet angel.

    • April says:

      Thank you, you’re so kind. I look every day–actually, today is a good day because our daughter is coming home from college for Christmas! I won’t give up. 🙂

  3. aviets says:

    I was thinking of that exact point last night. It’s so cosmically crappy that people who are struggling with maintaining any sense of normal life at all end up being forced to wade through all the crap of medication issues. I find that stuff difficult to deal with even when I’m in a good mental state. Again, congratulations to you for sticking with it.

    • April says:

      You know what’s even more crappy, is having to return again and again until the right combination is found. Which I found—but just had to complain about insomnia. I’m trying the natural approach to sleeping now. If I can’t sleep, well, I have a hoard of papers to go through. 🙂

  4. mewhoami says:

    Your husband is a good and caring man for paying such close attention to you. I haven’t been in your shoes, but I will say that an under-medicated life that can be enjoyed and appreciated is much better than an over-medicated life that can’t be consciously lived.

    • April says:

      I totally agree. I do need some of them at this point in time to get those positive juices pumping through my body, then maybe?

  5. Elouise says:

    Your experience reminds me of a couple of my female family members. Both had physicians who layered med upon med upon med. Getting back to whatever ‘normal’ is supposed to be was a difficult journey, before beginning all over with a small number of ‘safer’ meds. Your husband is a lifesaver for noticing and saying something! Like you, I also wonder about how people with mental disorders function when it comes to meds. No watchdog=danger, in my book. Very sad. I’m taking your tale of woe to heart. I’ve always googled meds–and have also refused to take some based on what I read. I’m re-upping my commitment to taking initiative for my own well being. For as long as I possibly can. Thanks, April.

    • April says:

      I knew something was not right, but I wanted to feel better so much that I was ignoring physical symptoms. I think our minds and bodies tell us many things. We simply have to be tuned in.

  6. Tracy says:

    Keep advocating! Keep researching! It’s your life my friend! Very proud of you! You are an inspiration too!❤️

  7. I’m glad you are still advocating, and trying. You are going to find what works. Because you seem to have the determination and ability to do so!!!! Good for you!!!!!!

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