That thing you do

The more I feel like I’m coming back to life, the less I want to say.

Partly, the new cocktail I’m on is still making me a bit stupid. While writing seems to make sense for the most part, my face-to-face conversations are quite comical. Thankfully, my doctor is helping me work on that adjustment.

I wonder about the different aspects of my personality. I didn’t learn how to be personal with my kindness. I have performed random acts of kindness, I let people in front of me in the grocery line, and many others things, but never for recognition. I would give my last dime to someone in need. Because it’s part of who I am.

Empathy and compassion? I have tons of it. Kindness with a personal touch–when a person gives of themselves and knowing the perfect thing to do–that’s a bit elusive to me. The tiny personal thing that makes a huge difference in the lives of others.

That special personal act of honoring or making someone feel special.

My brother loved his guitars, and had several. When his fingers became too numb from diabetic neuropathy, he gave a guitar to our oldest, who shared his love of playing the guitar.

On a visit my husband took to Seattle, our oldest son, daughter, and my husband decided to visit the grave sites of my brother and dad.

As the three left the grave of my brother, our son placed a guitar pick on the top of my brother’s gravestone.

Our daughter puts flowers on the grave of my sister. Β She does it for me.

That’s the kindness I lack, but it doesn’t mean it has to remain that way. As I continue on my journey of learning to be kind and respectful of myself, Β I hope the rest falls into place.





About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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24 Responses to That thing you do

  1. aviets says:

    I’m guessing that your acts of kindness have a huge meaning to those who experience them, and that they come off as way more personal than you think they do. And besides, why compare your acts of kindness to someone else’s acts of kindness? You’re excellent just the way you are. And your kids sound awesome. πŸ™‚

    • April says:

      The voice of reason. Bad habits are hard to break, and comparing myself to someone else it the very thing I’m trying VERY hard to stop doing.

      • aviets says:

        Yeah, well, the more I think about it the more I think that supposed voice of reason is actually a fraud. It’s really easy to tell someone else not to compare themselves unfavorably to other people. But I do it to myself all the time. Here I am, a month away from 50, and I’m only just barely learning to forgive myself for being me. Yikes!

  2. meANXIETYme says:

    I work hard to do those special little personal things. But I have to tell you, that DOES take an emotional toll on me, because I end up feeling more invested in other people than in they feel in themselves, and I KNOW it keeps me more invested in them than in myself. And the latter ain’t great.

    I’m learning to not jump to do all those little personal kindnesses as much. It sounds horrible, but it takes the focus away from me, and I need to work at making taking care of and liking myself a priority. If I focus on doing all those little kindnesses, then I’m avoiding ME.

    Hope that made sense.

  3. Gallivanta says:

    What lovely gestures of kindness from your son and daughter. Wonder who taught them how to be kind? πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

  4. I would never doubt your kindness because of the acts of others. Some of the kindest things I’ve ever had ‘done’ for me, were words that helped shore me up, soothe me, comfort me. You do these things too. Just differently.

    • April says:

      I have been in such a brain fog for so long, maybe that isn’t even where I wanted to take that post. I replied to another comment that the one thing I thought I had conquered, was comparing myself to others. Apparently not.

  5. reocochran says:

    I hope your visits to your sister and brother’s gravesites gave you some sense of peace and hope. We may see them on the ‘other side,’ in my beliefs we will! Anyway, so nice of your family to go together, April. The guitar pick and flowers were such loving, special touches…. loved these ideas!

  6. Glynis Jolly says:

    Maybe it’s just that you are intuitive to who needs the acts of kindness. For what you wrote here, your family members are well-balanced and generally happy. You’ve already given them your kindness over the years. And when one of them needs it again, you’ll be there to pour it out to him or her.

  7. mewhoami says:

    It sounds to me that your acts of kindness are just as good as any others, if not better than many. Many people never take even a second to show kindness to a stranger, but you go out of your way to. As Aviets said, we should never compare ourselves to others. Our ways are different perhaps, but not any less important than theirs.

  8. suzjones says:

    Children learn what they live.
    You are a living example of kindness to them.

    • April says:

      I think what I’m frustrated with is that I’m not the neighbor who takes a pie or cookies to the new neighbor, a little special something like a card or note to tell someone I love and appreciate them. That king of thing.

      • suzjones says:

        Can I ask what it is that concerns you about why you aren’t that type of person? I don’t believe that it means that you aren’t kind.

        • April says:

          It’s one of those ideas I have twisted in my mind. I have formed a theory in my mind that even though I’m kind, a situation has to hit me right in the face, to show kindness. I thinks it’s something I have to work through and recognize what my thoughts are. One of them, is comparing myself to others–you know–why didn’t I think of that? that type of thing.

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