If Dwayne Johnson can call himself a rock, then I can be a rock dweller

under a rock I wish to dwell (for clarification, not dwayne johnson)

a big rock

a place my ugly hides

over the top, others will climb, unaware who dwells beneath

no more pretending

no guilt by saying I’m okay

I’m not

hiding the fact that I want to fall in a heap

boo hoo until there are no more tears

a tantrum to rival

the kid awarded first place in the category of best tantrum

and someone will understand

someone will take over for me

that rock

a place I don’t have to explain why today isn’t good

just like yesterday

or the day before

a respite from trying to be what I believe others expect me to be

trying oh-so-hard to be who I am

move past the barrier which is holding me back

yes, that would be me

a desire to develop solutions

patiently wait for a day which will be mostly sunny

not mostly cloudy with a chance of severe weather

accepting who I am

void of ugly

the ugly that lied to me telling me I’m worthless

I believed it

dwelling under a rock is so appealing to me at this moment

to recharge

and begin a new day to fight

I’m fine, really – well, I did have some sort of revelation that I am denying because denial always works for me 😀

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like a leaf clinging in the dead of winter

so shall I

 

that rock will not be my residence

there’s too much beauty to be found

 

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birduments over who gets the feeder

 

 

 

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a beautiful waterfall tucked back off the road

 

 

 

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time spent with family

 

 

 

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the humor that can be found

 

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everywhere

 

 

 

 

that’s what I fight for

each and every day

 

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
Image | This entry was posted in Anxeity and Depression and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to If Dwayne Johnson can call himself a rock, then I can be a rock dweller

  1. Is that waterfall on your property???? And I think it’s sometimes necessary to hide from some things, recharge, and go back out. 🙂

    • April says:

      No, not on our property, it’s somewhere in rural Georgia. Recharging is nice if spent correctly. You know, not thinking about what you struggle with but what makes the struggle worth the fight.

  2. Gallivanta says:

    Birdguments; great word!

    • April says:

      I like making up words, but I have to give my daughter credit for this one. She was talking about dogs in her neighborhood were having a barkument. Maybe I should have left out the g…birdument. Either way, the Cat Bird was a little miffed at the Woodpecker for hogging all the food. Apparently, the Woodpecker didn’t really care.

  3. mewhoami says:

    It’s okay to not be okay all the time, and to admit that you’re not. If a person says they’re okay all the time, they’re lying. 🙂 We all have hard times, albeit some are much worse than others, but it’s okay to not be ‘good’ all the time.

    As for the rock, it’s certainly not a a good place to build a permanent residence, but if it helps you to recharge, then that’s great. Although I can’t speak for everyone, I believe that the majority of us here would agree, that we miss you when you’re hibernating. And I hope that you know that you’re never alone, and there’s always people here to reach out to, who you can just be yourself with. We have an awesome community here and you’re a very important part of it. Hugs to you, April.

    • April says:

      Aw…lately, I think I’ve been in a hypomanic state. I have been thinking at a rapid pace, but my body hasn’t caught up. The day is over (which, on occasion I can’t wait for, because I want the day to end) before I know it, and I’ve drank my coffee–and then start tons of other projects–never finishing anything.

  4. reocochran says:

    Wow! April, this was a powerful and poetic revelation of your feelings. It was well written and it means a lot to you, to put it into words, but inspires us all, we may be down and out, put ourselves under a rock, in a cave or hiding, but come out to ‘fight another day,’ so to speak!

    • April says:

      😀 I didn’t really intend for it to be poetic.It were the jumble of words thought in my head, affecting my heart, and all that I am.

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