The garage door to mindfulness

You know…there is something to mindfulness.

I spent many, many years convincing myself that I was stupid, awkward, ugly….I could go on, but that isn’t my point. My point is that the more I thought about myself in this manner, the more I became that person.

Therefore, why wouldn’t it work in the opposite direction?

Enduring an episode of depression, thinking positive is a futile exercise for me. The reason being, the only thing I think about is how to escape the despair my mind state is in. My therapist swears she can help me with this, and I’m impatiently waiting.

Currently, I’m keeping myself so busy that I don’t have time to fill my thoughts with anything, and I’m not necessarily mindful. I’m not paying any attention to what I’m thinking, I’m just doing as much as I can, in order to avoid thinking.

This is what happens when we aren’t mindful. (I’m twisting the meaning of mindfulness on purpose)

I managed to push in the door of our garage. I was on my way to an appointment and had to move my son’s new truck out of the way. Another car was parked behind his. I went back and forth–turning the wheel, back and forth–turning the wheel some more, back….and for some reason, the garage door was getting closer on my following forth.

I kept pushing on the brake, but it didn’t seem to work.Β I was in slow motion, while pushing so hard on the brake, and not being able to figure out how to stop the truck. Apparently, I had half my foot on the brake and the other half on the accelerator. Something had to give, and it was the garage door. The cars had minor scratches, but I can’t say the door survived.

No, I managed to rip out the hinges that hold the panels together and bend the track the door rolls on. If we had left it alone, it wouldn’t have been so bad for all the neighbors to see, but my son and I thought we could lift the door and get it on its track, which managed to turn the complete bottom panel inside out. As it was explained to me by the garage repair man–that was a huge no-no. We could have been seriously hurt. So much for my DIY skills.

So for the next two weeks when I come and go to here or there, or go out into garage, I’m reminded to be a tad more mindful. I can’t continue to run from my thoughts without paying attention.

I’m getting rather weary of putting on my rubber gloves and digging through the trash to find my reusable K-cup. Or, I search for it, and find that I placed it in another odd place. I’m tired of losing my glasses, only to discover they are on the top of my head. I’m having trouble concentrating on a simple knitting pattern, falling over while squatting to take a photo–then I can’t get back up. Oh, I have a much longer list of snafus.

Eventually, I will have to face that Little Ms. Negative Pants that lives within the depths of my brain, and boot her once and for all. Ignoring negative thoughts is not the same as replacing them with positive ones. I can no longer afford to ignore.

That will take some thinking.

Some serious mindful thinking.Β Replacing the negative thoughts, with positive thoughts, and be present in the moment.

Due to the garage door, and my many snafus, I’m reminded daily.

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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15 Responses to The garage door to mindfulness

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    OMG I have the same dent in my garage door. I also hit the edge of the molding around the garage, too, which chipped off. I also pushed the door in far enough to pop the inside hinge off. However, I was not strong enough to mess with the door, so I had someone come in. I thought we’d have to spend a fortune to have the panel replaced, but the guy said the dent wasn’t bad enough. He screwed in the hinges with new screws, which flattened the panel enough for it to ride the tracks up and down properly.
    I hemmed and hawed over replacing the panel anyway because I HATE seeing the damage I caused…but in the end my frugality won out. Sadly, I still cringe every time I see the damn dent. So I feel for you on that.
    My non-mindfulness runs more to not remembering what I was getting up to do, or something I wanted to tell Hub and it just flew out of my head… *sigh*

    • April says:

      The not remembering why I end up in a room, and getting ready to say something and forgetting what I wanted to say, is also one of my hindrances.

      πŸ˜€

  2. Safe.Amanda says:

    Oh, sounds terrible! Glad you are all ok! oh, and sometimes I look for my phone while I am on it talking to someone πŸ˜‰

  3. I find myself not being mindful because I am so busy, rushing takes away that ability for sure. Though I don’t think, like you say, that I am trying to avoid thinking of negative things. So I can partially relate to this. Interesting, when you write, I think you are very mindful. Maybe devoting a few minutes every day to that, whether it’s posted or not, will help you be more mindful. Maybe??

  4. Gallivanta says:

    Crumbs! That’s a thumping great reminder. 😦 How vexatious.

  5. mewhoami says:

    Oh no! Thankfully you guys didn’t get injured trying to fix it. What a pain though. The other day I pulled out of our garage, then sat there staring ahead completely out of it, asking myself, “Umm, now what do I do?” I had no idea what the next step was. I blame it on my autoimmune disease, but those moments can be very frustrating and embarrassing. I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through a depression episode lately. 😦 Hugs to you! I’ve missed your posts. Glad to have you back!

    • April says:

      No, we didn’t get injured, only my pride. It took me 4 days to get that post out. My mind is a little foggy–kind of lost in a world of chaos, and I keep making it worse by doing things such as running into the garage door.

      • mewhoami says:

        I hope your fogginess clears up soon. Oh and stay away from those garage doors! Ha! πŸ™‚ I’m kidding. Accidents happen to the best of us. What does that mean anyway? The best of us. Who’s best? Hmmm…

        • April says:

          You’re sounding a little like my therapist. πŸ˜€ The morning I did this, I had an appointment with her. I was close to tears, and she said “accidents happen to everyone” then we went on to another subject.

  6. suzjones says:

    As a veteran of garage door incidents (and back wall of garage ones as well) I sympathise, empathise and all those other ‘ise’ words. πŸ˜‰
    I too find it difficult to get up from a squat or kneeling position, I forget names and other things and I’m driving myself insane(r) as well.
    Be strong Grasshopper…. we will survive!!

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