Engineering my thoughts

6K2A1661aIt’s my thoughts which have brought me to where I am. They have created who I am. And most of those thoughts are a bunch of smelly crap.

The house in the middle of nowhere is now nothing but a shell. Some day, we will retire there. It’s a plan, and a work in progress. Our obstacle is that we aren’t old enough yet.

We recently spent a couple of days in that empty little house, and I had nowhere to hide. All the tendencies I have toward perfection were magnifiedΒ for the eyes of my husband. Every little producer of anxiety played out as an ugly film in my mind.

Messing with the arrangement of the meager furnishings was like yelling, “hey, watch the crazy lady move that step-stool one millimeter to the left, wait–change that to three millimeters to the right“.

The words of my therapist accompany my personal thoughts these days. In the beginning of treatment, I didn’t believe that I could observe my thoughts.

Oh, how wrong I was.

My thoughts are what brought me to where I was.

My thoughts are what will take me to where I’m going.


About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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12 Responses to Engineering my thoughts

  1. Gallivanta says:

    And what thoughts brought the lovely autumn leaves to your header? πŸ˜‰

  2. Your thoughts are your GPS it sounds like. Nothing wrong with knowing what you like and how you like it. πŸ™‚

  3. mewhoami says:

    Our thoughts have a greater impact on our lives that we realize many times. As far as arranging the furniture, it’s great that you have a preference. You could just toss it and not care. πŸ™‚

  4. suzjones says:

    We can change our thoughts and in the process change our lives. That sounds like quite the plan actually.
    When you work out how to do it, can you tell me? πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜›

  5. reocochran says:

    You are on the right path, I feel! There will be newness and special occurrences, just around the corner. I have lots of hope for you out there, April!

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