Attempting to conquer a phobia

There and back. I did it. Without medication, but not without anxiety. I truly believed I was having a heart attack when we landed on our flight home.

6K2A1653-EditI took this photo as we were leaving the city of Atlanta. Clouds are just as beautiful above, as they are below. It also let me imagine that we weren’t so far above the ground, because I couldn’t see it.

The trip was not without its fiascoes. They included inner language that went something like this, you freakin’ idiot. But you know what? I said the words, then laughed over the gaffes. The berating didn’t reach my heart nor my beliefs about myself.

On the way back, forcing myself to look out the window, I had a holy crap moment when I realized that we were right by the engine. Birds get sucked into those things causing crashes, you know.6K2A1736-Edit

I’m kicking myself for not embracing the one and only day we enjoyed not connected to the corporation my husband works for. Maybe it’s because the umbilical cord is so firmly attached to that company, that I never expect a moment without it invading our lives. When the moment presents itself, I’m not aware because I don’t let my guard down in order to avoid disappointment.

I need a whole bunch more practice with mindful thinking. I had one day—and I missed an opportunity, because I haven’t mastered living in the moment.

Crap.

Instead of getting up in the wee hours of the morning and driving to the airport, we stayed at a shabby, overpriced motel at the airport.

I had a bunch of things on my mind our last day there. As I observed my anxiety over the most laughable anxiety producers, I also realized that I express my anxiety in a not-so-pleasant way.

So, I have now faced two of my largest anxiety producers, driving to the city, and the phobia of flying. I can’t say that I’m not afraid, and that the next time I get on a plane or drive to the city I won’t have anxiety, but I will live. My world won’t end, and nothing bad will happen–even without medication.

Advertisements

About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
Image | This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Attempting to conquer a phobia

  1. Safe.Amanda says:

    Awsome!!! I am so extremely excited and proud of you!! ❤

  2. Tracy says:

    And…you did it!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!❤️❤️❤️

    • April says:

      The fear seems to be conquerable. It’s the depression I’m struggling with, but I will believe I can live with that too.

  3. What an experience, on so many levels. 🙂

    • April says:

      I wish I could say it was fun, but facing the fear and conquering it—knowing that the next time I fly, I will survive again. 😀

      • Exactly! I do not “like” flying because of the fear involved. If I was guaranteed 100% safety I would SO VERY MUCH love it. The views are gorgeous and stunning and obviously nothing we see when we stay earth bound.

        But on the flip side of that…..there’s nothing like a great hike with feet on the ground to see beautiful things too! LOL. 🙂

  4. mewhoami says:

    Good for you! One airplane ride at a time. 🙂

  5. Gallivanta says:

    Excellent conquering! One thing that worried me on my recent flight was the teeny tiny seats in tight rows and the enormous size of the occupants. The proportions were all wrong. 😉

    • April says:

      I agree! Our youngest son is 6 feet 4 inches tall. He can’t sit in the regular seats without poking the person in front of him with his knees. Also, thankfully, I was next to my husband. Call me weird, but I don’t like it when a stranger has to invade my universe and touch me because there is no room to move.

  6. suzjones says:

    So proud of you (but I said that already). I remember learning (and I think I blogged it) that fear is simply worrying about the unknown. Now you know, the fear should be reduced. Wtg girl!!!

  7. reocochran says:

    I am happy for you, April! I am sure the inner voices nearly drove you crazy, but you found beauty and wonder in your travels! Congrats and keep up the ‘great work,’ my friend! Smiles!

Comments are closed.