When I have moments which transport me to an exact feeling I had as a child, they intrigue me. Not the happy memories, but the moments I felt my stomach drop, my heart break, ugly, or stupid. How can something that happened so long ago be repeated under different circumstances?
A child sees and interprets events at the emotional level of a child lacking a lifetime of lessons and experiences. To have something happen as an adult, which zips me right back to that little girl, is sad, yet I know that living there–in the past–isn’t where I belong. Yet that physical feeling is experienced nonetheless.
Do we have to relive related experiences, producing the same physical responses the remainder of our lives? Meh, I don’t know.
I’m just happy to know that I can let the feelings move through me more rapidly than I used to.
I faced those bullies a long time ago, and I was the victor. I’m who I am because of what I had to do to survive. Not that it was fun, but here I am. Victorious.
My only preference is that I wish that similar experiences didn’t continue to hurt me. I may have been victorious, but I’m still human. Unfortunately, a little bit insecure at times.
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow. ~ Mary Ann Radmacher