I Don’t Belong Here

I was going to write this as if it were a story of someone else, because I felt like someone else. Not the person I thought I was. I also have to hurry because my time is limited. I will be without internet service for a while, but look forward to catching up on all yourย blog posts I’ve missed.

Today, was my visit to my Pill Pusher (Psychologist).

His office is located in a place with Institute included in the name. It’s a huge complex in Suburbia. There is a huge sign stating that the premises are monitored 24-hours a day.

I have to pass by the “Day Hospital” section, to reach my doctor’s office.

Past the lovely little bridge over a small creek.

It’s a lush looking place when all the leaves are on the trees.

There are many different buildings in the style of 1970’s architecture. I swear, I could hear chimes and soft music playing in my mind, as I wound my way around the parking lot. It’s one of those zen places for the mentally ill.

The parking lots were quite full, and that made me sad, but good at the same time. The people from those cars are getting the help they needed today.

And that’s when I realized that I am there because I suffer from mental illness. I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

I don’t ever want to be aย visitor atย the Day Hospital, or the long-term care facility. I will do as my doctor says, even if I think I’m flattening out. There always has to be a solution for me, and I am determined to find it.

I don’t belong there.

 

 

 

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About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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21 Responses to I Don’t Belong Here

  1. mewhoami says:

    Good for you! You don’t belong there. And with all the improvements that you are constantly making, there may easily come a day when you won’t have to go by there at all.

    • April says:

      Yeah, but most of the improvements I have been making are due to the medications. My goal, is to strive to change my negative thought process, get healthy, and wean off the medications–who knows, I may just be one of the lucky ones that will have to take some form of medication for life. At least–right now–I have control over my mind. That feels good.

  2. A very good post April ๐Ÿ™‚
    We will miss you and I’m looking forward to your comeback.
    Enjoy your time.

  3. You will find your place. Just the fact that you know where you do not want to be is good. My hopes are with you as you continue on this adventure.

  4. suzjones says:

    Atta girl. I’m proud of you. You’ve come so far and you are a true inspiration to me. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. April, looking forward to your return. We’ll be here. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for sharing this post. I’m glad you had a chance to read my recent post about diagnoses. You seem a strong being. Onward! Even if progress is measured in baby steps.

    • April says:

      Thank you Eric. You do inspire me. I gave up hope so long ago, but I got tired of it, and I want to actually live. I just wish I had more determination about 30 years ago. Not that I regret the last 30 years, but I could have been kinder to myself. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. aviets says:

    So glad you went for your appointment and are so focused on figuring out how to feel better. You deserve it. I hope you have a wonderful unplugged trip. It’s just too bad you couldn’t come earlier this week…we’ve had beautiful, cool days all week but it’s about to turn back I to real summer.
    -Amy

    • April says:

      We found that out real quickly. My husband and son had to dig up the ground to uncover the septic tank for an inspection. I think it was the hottest day y’all had this summer. We really enjoyed our time there, even if we worked ourselves into exhaustion every day.

  7. Your writing on this blog is candid and honest. As I read your posts, you seem strong, alert, attentive and funny…those qualities describe you! Be encouraged that you are making real progress. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • April says:

      Thank you. I’m not so sure I’m alert all the time, but I do try. ๐Ÿ˜€ I am making progress, because even I recognize it, and it feels good.

  8. I love your last line. And I’m looking forward to you being where you WANT to be and where you belong. And right now? It seems like you are doing everything you need to be doing where you are, to get ready to go where you will be and where you will belong. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. mykulmitch says:

    You sound like you will be just fine ๐Ÿ™‚ You will always have a world full of encouragement right here on wordpress. Cheers to a comeback!

    -Mykul

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