A new day.
Another random challenge for myself—write what I’m truly grateful for. Some big things, some very tiny, but wonderfully beautiful things nonetheless. Hopefully, a way to stop the noise of negativity, self pity, and outright frustration. A way to reduce the overwhelming feelings I sometimes have.
I write what I do (the venting), because I’m not perfect. I’m not always positive. I haven’t reached the peaceful mind yet–but I won’t give up. There are times I can’t even find something funny.
I will probably throw in a bunch more of my struggles, because there is someone out there who feels alone. It’s not okay to be ashamed of depression. It’s what matters to you, not what other people think of you. Hiding from the stigma is added fuel to the growing fire of depression.
Today, I am grateful for the man who chose to marry me 26 years ago.
He has been the best support person, father, and friend. He has held my hand even when I wanted to withdraw and isolate myself–actually, I’ve never been successful hiding from him, and I’ve even contemplated under the bed as a hiding place.
He laughs at the same things I do, and we compromise when it comes to the form of entertainment we share. What I find enjoyable, is torture to him. What he finds enjoyable, is torture to me. However, there is always, always a middle ground.
Even though I don’t think he understands depression, he sees how it tortures me. Because of him, I have grown to be the person I am today. Even though I’m still a work in progress, I’m pretty sure I will reach some peace as long as he is standing beside me.
I want to be the person he sees through his eyes. The me he sees is much more beautiful than my view. For that, I’m truly lucky. For that, I know I will eventually believe the same.