I have a question for any who suffer from depression/anxiety, and are using medication as part of their recovery process.
I have to hurry before my babysitter checks on what I’m up to. (just kidding here, he isn’t like that) Besides, I think he is enjoying himself this morning. He is doing some repair to a window and the trim. It happens to be located near the coffin where the vampires retreat to during the day. They keep us up most of the night, and payback, while childish, is quite satisfying.
So here you go–my rather boring symptoms and struggle with daily anxiety/depression. I feel my depression is under control, and is probably due to the medications I’m on, but I’m too afraid to ask my doctor to wean off them. I have a life, and even though it isn’t perfect, it is better than the stagnation and muck I was caught up in before medication.
I talked to my therapist about a part of the day I become something akin to a postmenopausal PMSer. A mad, mad woman who must have silence, no questions asked expecting an answer, no decisions to be made. I’m in the dinner preparation mode, and would rather not talk to anyone, in other words stay far away from my universe—or blood circle. If they are brave enough to invade my mental or physical space—well, Vesuvius comes to mind.
I went through cognitive exercises to find what triggers this in me. The rest of the day, I’m fine. It’s the time period between 3 pm until after dinner–or around 7 pm. I thought it was a part of anxiety behavior I learned when the kids came home from school, homework had to be done, my quiet solitude was over for the day, and I had to prepare dinner—a dinner where there had to be at least one menu item each kid would eat. Not to mention the time management to get three kids to sport, music lessons, dance lessons, or to Scouts.
I went through the exercises my therapist had me perform to see if I could relieve that stress during that time of day. Such as preparing what I could of dinner in the early afternoon. Take a moment to breathe, and basically meditate–which I have yet to master.
It didn’t work.
I take my Wellbutrin and Prozac in the morning. I take Lamictal (mood stabilizer) in the evening. According to my Pill Pusher, there are three types of Wellbutrin that move through the blood stream differently. I am now on the XL, which is supposed to be a gradual flow through the blood.
I’m still a well practiced Gritch during those hours of the day. My daughter jokes that I’m Sundowning–a symptom of Alzheimer’s and Dementia–a period of time in the late afternoon or evening, when the sufferer becomes agitated. Which isn’t really that funny of a joke. After watching my dad suffer from Dementia, it is one of my other huge health anxiety producers.
Is there anybody who suffers from the same type of experience? What do you do for it? Have you overcome what I explained? Or am I just unique, and will have to learn to meditate once and for all.
I no longer have to chauffeur kids from here to there, while trying prepare dinner, nag to get the homework done, clean up after dinner, referee disputes, and it is quiet–even when my husband comes home.
I will be talking to my Pill Pusher in a week, but I was wondering if I am just an oddball, and this problem doesn’t fit into any specific depression or anxiety diagnosis.