The Afternoon Gritch Monster

I have a question for any who suffer from depression/anxiety, and are using medication as part of their recovery process.

I have to hurry before my babysitter checks on what I’m up to. (just kidding here, he isn’t like that) Besides, I think he is enjoying himself this morning. He is doing some repair to a window and the trim. It happens to be located near the coffin where the vampires retreat to during the day. They keep us up most of the night, and payback, while childish, is quite satisfying.

So here you go–my rather boring symptoms and struggle with daily anxiety/depression. I feel my depression is under control, and is probably due to the medications I’m on, but I’m too afraid to ask my doctor to wean off them. I have a life, and even though it isn’t perfect, it is better than the stagnation and muck I was caught up in before medication.

I talked to my therapist about a part of the day I become something akin to a postmenopausal PMSer. A mad, mad woman who must have silence, no questions asked expecting an answer, no decisions to be made. I’m in the dinner preparation mode, and would rather not talk to anyone, in other words stay far away from my universe—or blood circle. If they are brave enough to invade my mental or physical space—well, Vesuvius comes to mind.

I went through cognitive exercises to find what triggers this in me. The rest of the day, I’m fine. It’s the time period between 3 pm until after dinner–or around 7 pm. I thought it was a part of anxiety behavior I learned when the kids came home from school, homework had to be done, my quiet solitude was over for the day, and I had to prepare dinner—a dinner where there had to be at least one menu item each kid would eat. Not to mention the time management to get three kids to sport, music lessons, dance lessons, or to Scouts.

I went through the exercises my therapist had me perform to see if I could relieve that stress during that time of day. Such as preparing what I could of dinner in the early afternoon. Take a moment to breathe, and basically meditate–which I have yet to master.

It didn’t work.

I take my Wellbutrin and Prozac in the morning. I take Lamictal (mood stabilizer) in the evening. According to my Pill Pusher, there are three types of Wellbutrin that move through the blood stream differently. I am now on the XL, which is supposed to beΒ aΒ gradual flow through the blood.

I’m still a well practiced Gritch during those hours of the day. My daughter jokes that I’m Sundowning–a symptom of Alzheimer’s and Dementia–a period of time in the late afternoon or evening, when the sufferer becomes agitated. Which isn’t really that funny of a joke. After watching my dad suffer from Dementia, it is one of my other huge health anxiety producers.

Is there anybody who suffers from the same type of experience? What do you do for it? Have you overcome what I explained? Or am I just unique, and will have to learn to meditate once and for all.

I no longer have to chauffeur kids from here to there, while trying prepare dinner, nag to get the homework done, clean up after dinner, referee disputes, and it is quiet–even when my husband comes home.

I will be talking to my Pill Pusher in a week, but I was wondering if I am just an oddball, and this problem doesn’t fit into any specific depression or anxiety diagnosis.

 

 

Advertisements

About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to The Afternoon Gritch Monster

  1. I didnt’t feel excactly like you, while I got medication, but I did get some medication as made me mad for nothing. After changing that I found myself again. Good luck tomorrow April πŸ™‚

    • April says:

      It isn’t the medication that is causing my afternoon grumpiness. I wen’t on the medication hoping to get some relief from it. I feel better, just not enough to make much of a difference. I will find the reason eventually. πŸ™‚

      • How long time have you got your medication April? You can easy wait up to 3 months before you feel real good.

        • April says:

          Oh, years. I am working pretty closely with a psychiatrist, he has me taking an anti-anxiety pill in the afternoon. However the anti-anxiety pill is one of the drugs that are addictive and a person needs higher dosages to achieve the same effect. I don’t want to take anymore anti-anxiety drugs. I feel that my anxiety can be controlled by my determination and what I think about. This afternoon mood comes out of nowhere, and I don’t even like being around myself.

  2. Gallivanta says:

    I can’t speak from a depression/anxiety point of view, but it seems okay to me to want to be in silence, or on one’s own, at certain times of the day. I like to cook without interruptions. Is it the angry reaction to the interruption that worries you?

  3. Send my best wishes and hope for you πŸ™‚

  4. Is it possible that the anxiety pattern is one that became established back when life was particularly crazy, and now it has become a habit that your body does automatically? If so, any chance you can tease out the sources of that anxiety to identify them and see if they still have any relevance?

    I find that time of day to be challenging for me, but I’m still very much in the kid craziness stage.

    One other thought: You mention carbohydrates and I’ve been doing some research on that as well. How about keeping a food journal just for a week or so to see if there’s any link between what you eat early afternoon and how you feel around dinner time? I know for me sugars/carbs have a definite effect on my mental health, but I’ve been too chicken to do the full analysis just yet. πŸ™‚

    I hope you find some good leads soon so that you can have a calmer evening!

    • April says:

      I’m pretty sure that I’m on auto pilot of behavior I have learned. I have discussed it over and over with my therapist, and she has suggested various exercises. I am mostly okay–except, I turn into a monster. I try to just keep my mouth shut, but everyone insists on talking to me πŸ™‚

      Sugar seems to cause me some problems with my mood too. I have been trying to cut back on the excess sugar–ice cream, candy, and such. I know there are a lot of hidden sugars, but one thing at a time for me.

      I hope you don’t learn my bad habits πŸ˜€

  5. suzjones says:

    I can’t say that I remember that from when I was taking medication but I do know that at odd times during the days, I certainly am not easy to get along with. I wish I knew why.

Comments are closed.