Sleep, Elusiveness Continues

To navigate the unknown, we need a compass. Well, I do–that and a GPS, although I would rather use a map.

I have memories of a period of time in my life I was confident. I may have been uncomfortable doing something, but I did it anyway.

To deal with an anxious way of life, I was mean. Rude. Indifferent.

I wonder how I slept during those years. I don’t recall ever having a problem.

Maybe having children amplified my anxieties. I know that I left various anxieties untreated for too long. Instead of an issue to correct, I now have to change an entire way of thinking, which has become my life.

Some don’t understand the toll anxiety takes on the body, mentally and physically.

After my mini trip of anxiety hell to the city, I still feel wiped out.

I can’t sleep. I never sleep well.

Every new bed and pillow on the market,ย gives me hope that it will be the answer to my nighttime torture.

Sleep is necessary to keep my compass from spinning out of control, yet my mind will not rest. Or, is it the pain in my body that steals sleep.

Lack of sleep makes it hard to think, much less have positive thoughts, and conquer anxiety or depression.

A life of avoidance becomes more enticing, because everything that comes out of my mind, struggles through a dense fog.

Lack of sleep makes me an irrational, emotional, weeping pile of a human.

And I wonder why it is so hard to fight and conquer.

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.




About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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21 Responses to Sleep, Elusiveness Continues

  1. Tracy says:

    I hope you find that elusive cure for sleeplessness! It does wreck havoc on us!!! Thinking of you April!

    • April says:

      Thanks, Tracy. It’s kind of a cycle. I have to continue on until I can’t go any more. Then, maybe–4 hours of sleep.

  2. meANXIETYme says:

    So much of this is reflected in my life. Sleep, which is restorative to both body and mind, is so elusive for me. It’s frustrating and difficult to deal with, because it only compounds everything else going on in my life.
    I feel your pain. If you Obi-Wan shares a Jedi secret with you, PLEASE share it with the rest of us. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Insomnia has been something I’ve struggled with for years, some nights it can be impossible to shut my mind off and get it to rest. I’ve changed my diet, cut out caffeine, taken sleep aids, bought bette mattresses

    • April says:

      I have done all those things, except cutting out the caffeine. But, I’m finished with that before 9am most days. I’m trying exercise next.

  4. Lovely, my comment posted as I was still typing…oh these silly phones. Point is, it is not easy thing to overcome. Anxiety has a way of making things that are easy for others extremely difficult and frustrating. Eventually I was able to get a handle on my insomnia by forcing myself to focus on the things in my life I’m grateful for as I lay down to go to sleep. It Took a long time to get to that point, I hope you can find a solution that works for you soon.

    • April says:

      ๐Ÿ˜€ I have the same problem with posting before I’m ready. I have little problem falling asleep, it’s staying asleep that is difficult. I’m ready to try new things.

  5. I’ve never slept well but I’ve only had bouts of it affecting me long term. I can usually FALL asleep but then I wake up “thinking” all through the night. I never feel fully rested so I feel that aggravation. I have no brilliant answers. But I hope you find some rest soon!

  6. reocochran says:

    Wishing you deep sleep and peaceful nights. So sorry to hear this is an ongoing problem for you, April! The trip to the city sounds like this is the blame for this! Hope you find rest. Hugs, Robin

    • April says:

      Yes, anxiety is awful. I will try to stay positive. One of these days, I will conquer it. Funny how I had no problem when I was a teen. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • reocochran says:

        When we were younger, we knew less troubles and problems. We would go until we wore ourselves out! I hope that you will find some great amount of sleep to keep you healthy and well, April. Will be thinking about your MRI results, too… Hugs, Robin

  7. suzjones says:

    I have no suggestions babe apart from practicing mindfulness whilst you are in bed and concentrating on the inflow and outflow of breath. I have found that helps me to get back to sleep.

    • April says:

      I try that. I’m not successful every night. I don’t know how many times I feel my entire body tense up, and I have to constantly tell myself to relax, breathe in – breathe out. One day, I will master it.

  8. mewhoami says:

    I wish I had suggestions to give you, but I suffer from sleepless nights often. The more I think about sleep, the less sleep I get. The more relaxed I make myself, the more my mind begins to wander. I’ve used a lot of suggestions people have mentioned, but none seem to work with me. It’s hopeless. Even sleeping pills are a waste for me. I had one of those nights on Saturday. Argh. I was a walking zombie all day yesterday. If you find a remedy, feel free to share it.

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