Never Give Up

Okay, so now you get to read about the fear part. Doesn’t fear turn into anxiety? Not for all of us. I just happen to be one of those people who believe I’m experiencing something that is real in my mind, but not actually true–mostly.

I have more time this morning, because I didn’t sleep last night. 😀

Oh, and please don’t read my words, and replace them as the advice of a professional. This is merely what I know to be true for myself. It’s also encouragement for you–you don’t have to give up.

Anxiety is excessive fear about something that hasn’t happened, or may never happen. Phobias kind of go hand in hand with anxiety–well, more than kind of, but phobias are not always the complete picture.

It’s hard work overcoming anxiety related mental illness. It’s tough when anxiety consumes most, if not all of your life. I haven’t experienced OCD – just obsessive thoughts, I haven’t performed any compulsive behaviors to counteract the obsessive thoughts-unless incessant talking, and worry is considered a compulsive behavior.

PTSD, self harm, and eating disorders are not part of the make up of my anxiety, but that doesn’t mean I can’t understand what someone suffering is dealing with, and why they do–but I Google a lot, and I listen to the words of people struggling.

I hear, and read a lot of stories of defeat. I know that I write simply to release an emotional experience, but it doesn’t necessarily mean I am returning to my pit, or I’m overly anxious over something. I’m writing to put it all into perspective for myself.

I will never give up.

Even if I never experienced mental illness, I would still be curious, just as I am about successful, positive people.

What brought me to a therapist, who worked with me through Cognitive Behavior Therapy, was the extreme fear over my health. I didn’t want to become a frequent flyer at my doctor’s office or the emergency room. Every little twinge, pain, or odd feeling had me believing I had another form of cancer.

I still have the fear.

I did tone my anxiety down, but three months ago, suspicious areas showed on my CT scan. I have been okay, and I try to think that nothing will come of it, but be prepared in case I have to battle some more. What I don’t want to do, is battle with anxiety over my health.

I was able to reduce my anxiety over my scans to a couple of days before, not months. I haven’t obsessed, and it hasn’t paralyzed me.


Until three months ago.

I haven’t worried constantly, and I’m prepared to fight. I’m prepared to advocate for myself. But I was beginning to beat myself up for falling back into my old mind state. I was letting anxiety take hold of me. Subconsciously, I was nitpicking at myself, until I began to worry. Worry that was becoming anxiety.

But, it’s okay. I may be facing the fear again, but now I have tools to go forth and conquer. Of course, I have normal fear, just as anyone would have, but I’m not going to let it control me.

Why am I repeating this subject?

I fell back one step. But I have learned how to accept that sometimes things don’t happen as expected, and we have to try a different approach. The backward step doesn’t equate to failure. It’s an experience to learn from—for the next challenge.

Depression is a different monster. The path to recovery is more difficult when you simply don’t care. Sometimes, it takes a loved one, or a friend to help you along. Overcoming anxiety isn’t easy, but it seems more doable for me.

I slipped.

I picked myself back up, remembered the lessons I learned from my therapist, and I’m keeping most of the anxiety to a level that isn’t all-consuming.

Don’t give up on yourself.




About April

I'll come back to this when I find out who I really am. I've been through some extremely rough patches but they have made me a better person. I blog if my brain is functioning first thing in the morning.
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12 Responses to Never Give Up

  1. bwcarey says:

    great post, i often have to step back, advice i got from a very old man, sign that you are listening, your ability to share wisdom will stand to you, as God Most High is very real and when i say real, it’s off the radar, keep the faith and thanks for the encouraging words, amen

  2. meANXIETYme says:

    I’m so glad you are able to see this step in your life in this particular light. Slipping is so hard when you’ve worked a long time to move forward…but part of your progress forward is being able to deal with slip backward in a good fashion.
    Good for you! I wish you much forward progress!

  3. Like you I too am a worrier and can at times become so consumed by my anxiety, so can totally relate to this post. What is that old saying? Two steps forward, one step back. I guess this is the dance of life.

  4. suzjones says:

    Baby steps hun. Baby steps. You will get through this. 🙂

  5. mewhoami says:

    Very inspirational post, April. I like how you point out that just because a person may slip from time to time, that doesn’t mean that they have to stay down. It’s great that you are able to see yourself and therefore work to improve certain areas, whereas many other people are blind to themselves. Writing is a great tool for looking deeper within ourselves and analyzing what we find.

    • April says:

      Thanks, Me. For the most part, I’m not as bad mentally, as I sound. I like to read the blogs of others to give me more to think about. Sometimes I will read a certain themes over and over, which inspires me to write about my thoughts to sort it all out. There are many who sound like they are giving up. I hope I reach someone to let them know hat if they keep working hard, they can find some success as well. It’s all in how we think about ourselves and the world around us.

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